Being Banausic

Time marches on. Stupid phrase. True, but stupid. Whoever coined it should be shot for their inherent aptitude for blatantly stating the obvious. Regardless, time does proceed in continuous forward motion. What we do with that time is up to us. Attitudes toward time are often cyclical as we maneuver through the ups and downs that accompany our existence. One moment we live life to the fullest. The next instant we simply exist. Where are you right now?

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Existing. That’s what I’m doing … just in case you were wondering. I have plans and goals that, I hope, will eventually allow me to live the life I believe I should be living. In the meantime: I exist. I live in a town that I hate. It is way too small and I am suffocating. Trust me; it is hard to feel the fullness of life in Arka-do-nothing, Arkansas. I work in a job that is completely utilitarian. It serves one purpose for me at this moment and that is simply the fact that it provides a salary and benefits. I love the hospitality industry, but I am accustomed to something a little more glamorous and with a much larger salary. Unfortunately, I left that career behind in another state. I know you are asking, “Why?” but the answer to that is an incredibly long story that you really don’t want to hear right now. I can not allow myself to dwell on that decision or my current existence would drop into a state of depression and regret. I can’t have that right now.

“Oh! Do not attack me with your watch! A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch.” ~Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

I exist … for now. I am trapped. There are a number of reasons and most of those have dead presidents printed on them. My life is rather boring and practical at the moment. I do the same things day after day. Everything is routine. I bide my time waiting and thinking and planning on how I can move forward and truly begin to live again instead of simply existing.

“Time and tide will wait for no man, saith the adage. But all men have to wait for time and tide.” ~Charles Dickens, Martin Chuzzlewit

“My life is spent in one long effort to escape from the commonplaces of existence.” ~Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Red-Headed League

Originally written: October 25, 2007

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