It's Official ... Life is Scary

(Please note: The following was composed in August, but I thought I would share it (and the blog that follows) here!)

Someone asked me today ... now that my divorce has been final going on 6 months ... if I'm officially "back on the market" again. Whoa! Apparently, I was completely unprepared for such a question and I've been pondering my tentative "I guess" response all afternoon. It's disturbing ... on a number of different levels.


First: the term "back on the market" makes me feel like a steak or some sort of produce. I don't exactly enjoy the thought of being thought of in that capacity.

Second: I haven't been "on the market" since I was 20. Twenty!!!! Tomorrow I shall be 33. That's a really long time. Things have changed and not all of it is for the better. I don't even think I know how to date anymore. Honestly. How does one date when one is a working mother with two children and a full time job?

Third: Do you know where I live? No offense to any guys in the area who may read this, but I'm in redneck hell. I'm not saying I'm an amazing catch or anything ... but I do have some pretty severe standards. I won't list them all here, but the 'ability to provide' ranks high on that list and I'd venture to bet it would be extremely helpful if you have lived outside of this country or spent a substantial amount of time in a culture other than this one. Christian? You better be one and not just in 'title' either. Live it.

Fourth: I'm not a bimbo. I have a brain and I like to use it. I also don't have the perfect model looks or the perfect model body. I'm a woman. I've had children. Men don't go looking for women like me. Enough said.

Fifth: I need to be me for a while. I'm not saying I wouldn't attempt to go out every now and then, but nothing serious ... at least not right now.

"She knew how how to allure by denying, and to make the gift rich by delaying it." ~Anthony Trollope, Phineas Finn
The conversation that inspired this little blog progressed farther than just a simple question and response. It instigated an entire line of questioning into random scenarios:

"What if you meet Mr. Right tomorrow?"
**Not likely**
"What about that guy in college you had such a crush on?"
**What? Too successful. Probably married. 13 years later! Hello?**

"What about your high school boyfriend?"
**Which one? HA! No thanks!**

"Maybe you'll meet someone at church!"
**Not in this town. People leave here. Everyone at my church is married or under the age of 26 ... most of them under the age of 23. I don't think so.**

"What about match.com or an internet site?"
**Please tell me you're kidding!?**

"Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer." ~Rita Mae Brown, author & activist

That last question is where I was forced to bring my interrogation to a halt. In all honesty, it was way too exhausting .... and absolutely terrifying.

I'm divorced. I'm single. SO WHAT!!

2 comments:

  1. Real love comes out of left field, outside the peripheral vision, if at all. Can't be hurried or hunted.

    Look at those who ask you a baffled moment, then say "wow." Works a treat for all kinds of intrusive questions.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good response! I'll remember that! By the way ... I loved your entry for "fall." It was brilliant.

    ReplyDelete

"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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