Feelings, nothing more than feelings ...




Does anyone else out there absolutely abhor that song? Do you even know the song of which I speak? Yes? No? Either way – I hate it. This is one of those songs that lyrically and melodically should never have been written, let alone recorded. It makes me want to vomit. I know that was a phenomenal mental image you needed just then, but it does.

A good friend shared with me an interesting theory about myself last night. “You are afraid to feel,” she said. Interesting. It was a comment definitely worthy of more than just a moment of thought. Obviously I am still pondering the phrase or I wouldn’t be writing about it.

Am I afraid to feel?

In all likelihood … I probably am. Maybe. A little.


“To repress one's feelings only makes them stronger.” ~Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Film (2000)

You see, I like to think of myself as a pretty low maintenance woman … emotionally speaking. I do not like a lot of melodrama. I do not like to talk about my feelings. I do not like mushy feely-feely situations. I get uncomfortable in a room with a bunch of women who are all teary eyed or weepy discussing highly charged emotional issues. I hate ... absolutely hate to cry. I have come to harbor total disgust for the movie ‘The Notebook’ which apparently makes me worthy of being ostracized from my own sex.

I do not like feelings, but does that make me afraid to feel?

Feelings can not be trusted. Feelings have led me far astray the times that I have chosen to heed them. Feelings forgo analysis and rely on instinct and well, my over-analytical brain really has a hard time with that fact. It is possible that I analyze things way too deeply, but if I had proceeded as such through the earlier stages of my life I would have saved myself a lot of trouble … trouble caused by listening to my feelings.

"Every murderer is probably somebody's old friend," observed Poirot philosophically. "You cannot mix up sentiment and reason." ~Agatha Christie, The Mysterious Affair at Styles

I suppose the goal is to find some happy medium between one’s analysis of a situation and then incorporate those decisions into how one feels. Still, it seems like an awful lot of work. That’s it: ding, ding, ding!!! Work. Emotional work.

I am not afraid to feel … I am simply too emotionally apathetic to deal with it. Most have my feelings have been dutifully repressed for quite some time and bringing them out would likely cause some sort of chaos. Yep. Too lazy.

Well, I am quite sure that is not the healthiest realization of my lifetime … discovering that I am an emotional slug … but for now it will have to do because I do not feel like looking any deeper at the moment.

" . . . Natural affections and instincts, my dear sir, are the most beautiful of the Almighty's works, but like other beautiful works of His, they must be reared and fostered, or it is as natural that they should be wholly obscured, and that new feelings should usurp their place, as it is that the sweetest productions of the earth, left untended, should be choked with weeds and briers. I wish we could be brought to consider this, and remembering natural obligations a little more at the right time, talk about them a little less at the wrong one." ~Charles Dickens, Nicholas Nickelby

19 comments:

  1. Feelings are an important living sense, ignoring them or overblowing them both lead lead to error. Like going blind or trusting everything you see. Takes practice, finding the right response.

    Hate that song, will not see an emotionally manipulative movie, but neither do I shun tears, any more than repress laughter. Neither will I feed my anger, which is not an emotion but a selfish response to frustration. Getting the vocabulary to understand these snake brain sensations makes them less amorphous, more useful.

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  2. "Snake brain sensations" - I like that. Yes, ignoring feelings is not healthy ... but sometimes it is easier.

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  3. I cannot imagine how you get by without feelings. Inconvenient as it often is, I live my whole life by feelings. I am of course capable of rationality but that part is subservient to feelings. As for the song, I have never listened to the words apart from the bits you have quoted because the song as the whole has a certain sentimental value ...

    Films tend to inspire fake emotion in me and I have been known to start sobbing before the opening titles are shown & it takes much effort to suppress this stuff, because I'm ashamed of reacting in such a way. However I do abhor movies where cloying sentiment is attached to children, dogs etc.

    And perhaps I am just like you, in that I hate every form of manipulation. I cannot stand digital effects or animation in films.

    But such is the imprecision of generalisation and language itself, in certain respects, that I might find myself in total agreement with you, even the song you mention, if I bothered at all to listen to it. I just checked the lyric, it leaves me numb, there is nothing to abhor, I wouldn't waste a second on such mush - except that it was part of the background of a courtship around 1981 . . .

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  4. I am not completely numb. I don't think any human can be. I used to be very attached to my feelings (too much so) and overcompensated somewhere along the way. I'll get it worked out.

    I have the same problem with false emotion and film. I'll cry quicker at something on screen as opposed to details or events in my own life.

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  5. I can understand that very well. You are simply protecting yourself from subservience to feelings which got you in trouble in the past?

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  6. I tend to have no feelings at the moment of parting. I just want to get it over with, in such a clumsy way that I'm tempted to "make up a speech" to disguise the abruptness of my desire to get away. I suppose this is quite common . . .

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  7. Indeed. I believe it is. I have had so many "goodbyes" in my life that I now tend to seem flippant when the time comes to part.

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  8. I'm with you Beth on the feelings thing when it comes to my own. Here in Kenya, the country is falling apart around our ears, and it is all those people out there in the slums and the towns like Eldoret & Kisumu who I have the feelings for right now, so that'll give me much more time to ignore my own for some time to come.

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  9. As Oliver Wendell Holmes Senior once said: "Every person's feelings have a front-door and a side-door by which they may be entered."

    I'm tempted to add you have a back-door through which you are leaving.

    Interesting you seem to align "feelings" here with the more positive of emotions. But to hate, to not like, etc, etc, are feelings also...and you display a few of those throughout the post.

    Perhaps you feel, but just in a different way?

    On eof the more interesting blogs I've encountered of late. And yes...bloody awful song.

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  10. Something has just struck me afterwards...is it possible to write and not feel? I doubt it. And you write beautifully.

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  11. No, it is not possible to write and not feel. As mentioned before, I am not completely numb. Simply put (after more reflection) I don't appear to "feel" as much as the normal woman. Does that make sense to anyone? The female species seems to be so buried in how things FEEL and I'm not like that.

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  12. Yeah but the brilliant thing is to rejoice totally in what you are & let the others stew in their own putative juices.

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  13. Hi Wishing you Happy and prosperous new year. Well can't believe that some one can control and get by without feelings.

    This type of obsessions are basic part of life which tend to increase or decrease with some extend, depending upon the past or present scenario of the things happening in life.

    I will love to hear from you on my blog as well Title & Description Tags

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  14. I'm with you there. Feelings just tend to get in the way of the minutiae of life. That said, i do feel i just prefer not to share.

    Some people would call me a coward. That's fine by me.

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  15. Hark! Candybox hold her feelings in as well. See? I knew I wasn't the only one of the female species to find that they do get in the way.

    It's not that I don't feel at all. I do feel. I simply choose not to show it. Writing about it is one thing. It is the outward emotion that seems to cause more trouble than it is worth.

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  16. Ah! Now I see a pattern. Beth, you were educated by the schools of the old British Empire, whose traditions have faded more slowly than in the mother country. CandyBox is also British. I was educated, as I mentioned in my last post, during the final years of Empire.

    As I said, we were taught the stiff upper lip. Don't show emotion in front of the natives (or the servants, if we were back "home").

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  17. I'm not only tired of feelings, I'm tired of worrying about other people's feelings.

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  18. Vincent - I don't think there is any arguing with that theory.

    Bybee ~ I have 2 friends who are both SO emotionally high maintenance that they exhaust me regularly so I know exactly what you are talking about.

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  19. wow, I like your quotes. feeling familiarly fantastic droppin on down by,
    Have a great year

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"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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