I think I have effectively established how utterly random I am on a rather regular basis. I think. If you are not convinced at my undulating randomness then allow me to provide further substantiation of such a claim. As I am having difficulty wrapping my warped mind around anything decidedly concrete this humdrum Monday, I will now present a myriad of thoughts that have left their footprints on the surface of my gray matter at some juncture today.
1. “Damn it!” My response to, “You look cute today!” from female coworker who sports a she-mullet and uses the phrase “Get ‘er done!” in daily conversation. Have I mentioned that I live and work in redneck hell? I know I have issues with accepting compliments but this is the type of individual who has absolutely no taste. What does a compliment from her mean about my appearance?
2. Am I the only person on the planet that did not see ‘Iron Man’ over the weekend? Many thanks to delayed movie opening nights in the rest of the world or I am sure I would be. Now, what night can I swing a movie this week?
3. I am really, really thrilled to learn that Amy Winehouse has backed out of doing the latest Bond theme. Petty, I know.
4. “Whew!” My response to, “You look pretty today!” from absolutely adorable female coworker who, despite being a strapped-for-cash single mom living in redneck hell, always looks adorable and appears to have great taste thus alleviating all the baggage that came with attempting to accept the compliment from the fashion-challenged individual mentioned in point number one of this list.
5. “What about breakfast?”
“We've already had it.”
“We've had one, yes, but what about second breakfast?”
~LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring
6. I could really benefit from a second or third iPod. If I were so lucky then I could accommodate ALL of my music choices and organize them by iPod as opposed to individual playlists. That would be so rad! Yes, I just said “rad” … get over it.
7. I am seriously reconsidering my choice in lingerie today. Yes, it is pretty. Yes, I feel great (if a wee bit uncomfortable) in it. At this point I see no great benefit – considering nobody but me knows how hot it is. Maybe it is time to invest in plain, boring, cotton, granny panties. HA! I think not.
8. Gas prices are finally beginning to really mess with my life. My little truck has a gas tank the size of a small human bladder. When it costs me $40 USD to fill up then the world must certainly be coming to an end.
9. My dad is in Senegal right now. My best friend from high school is in Tanzania right now. A good friend/coworker from college is in Kenya right now. RIGHT NOW!!! I want Africa. I need Africa. Why am I here????
“Jealousy is all the fun you think they had!” ~Erica Jong, American Writer & Feminist
10. If I refuse to touch the inbox that resides on my desk and it begins to resemble Mount Kilimanjaro … will my boss notice? More importantly, will she care as long as it gets emptied by Friday afternoon?
11. Speaking of mountains – the dirty clothes in my apartment would put Mount Everest to shame. Unless it sprouts limbs and takes itself to the laundromat then I predict it will stay that way for another day or two.
12. Would it be dangerous for me to drink ten cups of coffee before lunch AND hook myself up to some sort of intravenous coffee machine?
13. Yep … this is right on up there with “Good Morning!”
14. We are going to the gym immediately after work, aren’t we precioussssss? No! Yes! NO! YES! Aw, hell.
15. Is the industrial strength stapler really that hard to use? Really? Honestly? Are you not strong enough? What is the problem? Do I have to do EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY around here?
“Though this be madness, yet there is method.”