License to Drive

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” ~ George Carlin, American Comedian (I couldn’t exactly let the week go by without a Carlin quote. May he rest in sarcastic peace.)

Stupid drivers. They are everywhere. I might just be the only person in the state of Arkansas who knows how to navigate the roads properly. I jest, of course. Maybe. Today, for example, was just one day and I encountered numerous idiots in the thirty mile round trip between work and home. My international readers who reside within the British Isles or a former colony (as I did for so many years) shall have to forgive me. I am about to vent about driving in the United States.

Is it really too difficult for some individuals to put just a little more pressure on the gas pedal in order to actually make their vehicle go, at the very least, the speed limit? I quite realize that I have a penchant for speeding driving a wee bit faster than posted guidelines, but nothing frustrates me more then a driver who can’t manage an acceptable speed. Look in the rear view mirror! If you have a line of five to twenty cars piling up behind you … get off the road.

Semi-trucks. Do you know what it means when your vehicle is five times the length of mine? It means that it take you a heck of a long time to pull out from a gas station or a parking lot. Quit jumping out in front of me and crossing over my lane in order to make a left hand turn. Wait until you have plenty of time and space. Did you see my mouth moving as I slammed on the brakes and waited for you to cross? Yeah? I wasn’t singing along to the radio.

Guess what? Interstate on-ramps have a purpose. That purpose is acceleration. You are meant to speed up so that when you pull onto the interstate you are going the speed limit or are close to reaching that goal. I am so bloody tired of being behind some stupid driver who pulls onto the highway going forty miles per hour when the traffic on said road is already speeding along at least thirty miles per hour faster. Someday you are going to get someone killed.

I realize that the four-way stop is becoming an endangered species in this country. Perhaps the one good thing about living in a small town is that there are a few of them still around to remind us that stoplights are not always necessary. Still, traffic always stalls at the stupid four-way stop because somebody is too moronic to figure out how to navigate the bloody thing. It’s shaped like this: +. There is a stop sign on each side. The rules are easy. Whoever reaches their stop sign first … goes first. If two cars reach their own respective signs at the same time … then the vehicle to the right goes first. How hard is that?

Oi! I encountered all three of the above scenarios today … along with five or six others. I know I am cranky lately, but seriously – I think the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) is handing out licenses like they are candy.


  1. I take it you don't have roundabouts in AK... or rotarys as we call them in New England.

  2. LOL! No, we don't. I can't imagine how these idiots would manage to navigate through them.

    (PS - AK is Alaska ... someplace I will *never* live due to arctic temperatures. Aransas is AR!) ;o)

  3. You know.. I meant to type AR then thought that might be Arizona.... which I guess is AZ

    I guess if I want to be forgiven for not knowing all the 50 states I should be ready to forgive those who stop to yield right in the middle of the Rotary... those ones truly kill me.

  4. Ah, but you bring up the DMV, which is another rant entirely, is it not?

    Why is it--and I swear this is true everywhere, or at least all the states in which I have lived and driven--that the DMV truly distills the population to its lowest common denomenator? Do normal people--other than myself--never need to renew their licenses? Am I the only non-freak in the county who needs to go in to make changes to my registration? Where do all of these carnival sideshows come from and why are they always at the DMV on the same day that I am?

    And I haven't even begun to let loose on the people who actually WORK at the DMV (my apologies to any of you kind and efficient DMV employees who might currently be reading this). Honestly, could they be any ruder? Truly? Could they?

    Plus, my local DMV is the last place on earth that refuses to accept credit cards. Now really, what's up with that?

  5. meaghan ~ Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! A valid rant ... yes it was. My DMV doesn't take credit/debit cards either.

  6. Strangely, the DMV here has done a lot to streamline. (UT) I've had to deal with them three times this year, and they were helpful, and take all credit/debit cards.

    The drivers here, though, oh gods and demons, they are awful. Cell phones are, according to a recent study, the cause of a lot of slow drivers. Once I knew that, I saw it everywhere. Idiots on the phone drift and slow.

  7. How and Why these DMV and Public Safety institutions of States get to have SACROSANCT status, is beyond me, it is like they are innermost sanctum of State sponsored insanity, the purest form of Utopian Buearocracy untouchable by the common citizen.

    I knew a man who was the most mildest mannered individual you could ever meet, that is, until he got behind the wheel of his car. He would then become the saviour of the roadways, the judge and jury out to identify, arrest and crucify everyother driver on the road, lol, the remarkable reality was the events that would set him off where usually being caused by himself, like driving 35 on the interstate, turning out of wrong lanes, most all the things you hilariously describe in this very funny and universal post Beth, lol!

    I hate cars, traffic and the systems in place today that are designed, to my opinion, to enable the wrong things to occur, not to prevent them, but that is my rant, please all, ignore me!

    Yet another fellow I tried hard not to ride with, he drove freeway speeds thru neighborhood, an old and slight short man, he could hardly see out the windscreen, blasting down the streets ignoring speed bumps, dips, medians, curbs, he bounced all over the place and never had a proper dated sticker on his car and got away with this all the time, he cursed everything but himself and his own driving, I use to beg him to slow down or even to let me drive, no, never, and he always knew his route better than anyother person, even when he was lost beyond the city limits, lol, madness was his middle name, and he could barely see, but never had any trouble getting his license renewed even into his latest 80's, A mad man in a mad world, lol, God help us all!

  8. jim ~ Wow! Is it possible that your comment is longer than my original post?? Hmmmm? *wink*

  9. Alas, I confess, tis me.

    And btw, I found later last evening that the futbol was a championship match, I should have watched the whole, I still have yet to hear the score final, but the winner, yes, I heard.


"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman


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