Sweet August



"Fairest of the months!
Ripe summer's queen
The hey-day of the year
With robes that gleam with sunny sheen
Sweet August doth appear."

~ R. Combe Miller


It is August and in two weeks I shall be thirty-four. I am surrounded by the beauty of summertime. This month truly is “the fairest of the months” and I would share this opinion even if my birthday did not fall right in the middle of such a beautiful time of year. It is a shame that I no longer feel in me the vibrancy of August. I do not feel old. I am not old. I merely feel weary … worn out … tired. My halo of light appears to have burned out.

Have you ever encountered individuals from your past and meeting them, while enjoyable and often fun, brings feelings of inadequacy and self-consciousness? I have had two such meeting in as many weeks. One: Someone who attended college with me and now works for a radio station in Little Rock. Two: A dear friend from childhood, high school and adulthood. Both women are stunningly beautiful. Both have varying degrees of success in their lives … and then there is me.

Me.

By next year may I feel as sweet as the month of August.
I want my song to sing itself.

"In summer, the song sings itself." ~William Carlos Williams

8 comments:

  1. When meeting people from our past, we tend to see ourselves as we were when we last knew them and to see these other people as they currently are; hence the mental comparisons made. Kind of how we 'regress' when with our parents.

    You have two beautiful children; for all you know, they may have felt just as insecure (or even more) meeting you.

    If I may ask; going somewhere next year?

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  2. I have no plans to go anywhere at this time. I wish I was. No, just a mental goal-setting to find some former glory before turning 35. I'm good with the inside ... with who I am as a person. It is the outside.

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  3. I'm a new visitor to your site, but just wanted to comment that "Beauty is only skin deep; ugly goes all the way to the bone." Your old acquaintences may be beautiful all the way through, but I don't know that, and, I suspect, you may not really know that, either.

    I'm an almost 74 year old woman, and have found that comparing one's self to others is a fruitless, and sometimes damaging, exercise; it is easy to fall into the trap of feeling superior to another in some way -- physically, mentally or spiritually -- or, conversely, mistakenly believing that another person is superior in some way to one's self. Both are erroneous conclusions.

    I'm hoping you find/achieve the "former glory" you seek, but suggest you don't put such a short time limit on it. If, when you are an 'old' person, you are considered beautiful, you will have achieved a goal that many never reach.

    "It's never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot

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  4. Ah - One of my favorite George Eliot quotes and one that I have used. Pat, thank you for the visit and the advice. I am not always so down on myself ... please do visit more often! :o)

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  5. I happen to think you're a spectacular human being, from the few exchanges I've had with you. And you're incredibly literate, which is a rare and wonderful quality.

    All that said, I totally and completely understand the sentiment behind this post and have experienced it myself on more than one occasion.

    Chin up. Look at those wonderful boys you're raising. Not everyone could do what you do.

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  6. I had the same feelings this year, when my birthday came. I kept wondering why do I feel tired weary and worn out on my birthday-it sucks.

    It took me a while to distinguish those feelings from being "old"

    Usually, when I bump into old friends, which is not that often-I take a deep breath, hold my head up high, and smile as if I just won a miss America contest.

    Even if I'm feeling awful, insecure or intimidated. Later when you get home and exhale, you will be proud that you at least put on your game face :-0

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  7. meaghan & shanel ~ Thanks to both of you ... words I needed to hear actually.

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  8. Are you kidding me?! You rock. No joke. You rock.

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"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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