I awoke this morning and immediately thought to myself …
“It is a good day to die.” ~Crazy Horse
My eyes watered. My head pounded. I coughed … attempting to hack up a lung. I shivered. Don’t even ask me about the mucus. Sexy picture I paint, isn't it? The snooze alarm on my cell phone beckoned and I hit it … rolling over with the knowledge that I had nine minutes before the bloody thing went off again in a vain attempt to get me out of bed. I slept. Briefly. The alarm went off. Again, I hit the snooze. The mental battles began.
Get out of bed! Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. And, there was victory … temporary. No.
Nine more minutes. STUPID ALARM!!!
Get out of bed! Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. No. No. NO!!! Another short victory.
Nine painfully brief minutes. HELL!!!
Call in sick to work. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. NO!!! Damn.
Get out of bed … NOW! No. No. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. No. No. No.
Somewhere in the recesses of my plugged up and fuzzy mind I found the energy to attempt to rally myself … willing my body to face the mental and physical battles of the day. Battle! I am going into battle. I fight for survival (and job security). Thank goodness for the movies (and Tolkien) as these are the words that found their way into my brain:
“I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you STAND, Men of the West!” ~The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Film (2003)
I stood … wobbly, but I stood. I showered. I medicated myself. (Vainly, it would seem, as I am still incredibly miserable.) I dressed. I drove to work. I shall persevere.
Yes, it seemed a good day to die … but it is not this day!!
I want to be pursued. Wooed. Courted. I want a man who is willing to dig deeper in order to discover the riches within me.
“Wooing thee, I found thee of more value
Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags;
And 'tis the very riches of thyself
That now I aim at.”
~William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor
Is this concept entirely too medieval for the modern world to comprehend? Has courtship become a relic of the past? Is chivalry dead?
I am off to the polls and will stand in line without complaint as long as necessary. Cheers!
“To make democracy work, we must be a nation of participants, not simply observers. One who does not vote has no right to complain.” ~Louis L'Amour
My self-esteem has been in the toilet lately. Deep. In. The. Toilet. Self imposed, of this I am sure. I feel no need to reveal the “why(s)” behind my ill logic. Still, it is funny how life can step in and provide you with a bit of a boost when needed most.
While driving to Missouri last week I stopped at a random gas station and mini-mart in Greenland, Arkansas. A truck pulled in next to me. The driver, a fairly attractive man at least 5 (if not more) years my junior, nodded to me and raised his hand in a brief wave. “I don’t know you!” I thought … but I extended a small smile as I exited my vehicle and entered the mini-mart. He came in as well and it seemed we were both going about our own business. As I left my phone rang. It was my mother checking on the progress of my journey. I chatted with her as I walked to my vehicle but noticed that my admirer was not far behind. I sat in my vehicle talking to mom and getting ready to get back on the road when I noticed that this gentleman had gotten into his truck but was not moving. In fact, he was motioning to me. I asked my mother to hold on and rolled down the window only to be surprised with having the man inquire about my digits … my phone number. Now, I am not in the habit of handing out my cell phone number to strange men at random rural gas stations and I did not make an exception in this instance. I merely laughed aloud and informed him that I would do no such thing. His response? “Damn!” Yet, he waved again as I pulled out and continued on my merry way.
It has been quite some time since a man blatantly hit on me. I have been told that I exude a standoffish type aura which is: a) likely true and b) not likely to change. Still, with my self-esteem lately entrenched within the depths of the commode … this little encounter provided me with a wee a bit of a much needed reminder … to stop being afraid of my own light.
I am brilliant.
I am gorgeous.
I am talented.
I am fabulous.
Can I get an “Amen!”?
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” ~Marianne Williamson
... must come to an end. This will be the last Monday Mosaic ... for a time at least. I may throw a mosaic up every now and then, but twenty is a good round number. There you go. Enough said.
"This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." ~Winston Churchill