Repeat performance? I think not.




Bah, humbug! Two words. Three syllables. My holiday season can be summed up just as simplistically and in those exact words.

Since my divorce was finalized almost two years ago I have known that I would have to spend this particular Christmas without my children. I had the pleasure of their company last year. This year … well, this year they spent the holiday with my ex-husband. I have known. I thought I was prepared. In a way, I was. I know now (hindsight being 20/20 and all that jazz) that one can never truly prepare for what it will be like to be alone on Christmas … a day that is traditionally spent with family and is made infinitely more enjoyable by the presence of children.

I had plans. I did not intend to stay here. I wanted to travel for the season … perhaps go visit a friend outside London. Ah, but the best laid plans …

My planning fell victim to circumstance and lack of funds and the inability to take a substantial amount of time off work … and a myriad of valid, yet irritating, factors. Alas!

So, what did I do and not do?

I did not put up a Christmas tree or send out cards. I am moving this week to a larger apartment and did not want to deal with attempting to pack boxes around Christmas decorations. As for the cards … no time.

I did work. Yes, I worked. Christmas Eve. Christmas Day. It was better than being at home sulking.

I did not choose to go visit my parents. I have made a number of trips up to their place this fall and going alone for Christmas just didn’t appeal to me.

I did have dinner one night with two friends from high school. We had a lovely time and I wish they were in the area more often.

I did not allow myself to fall into a relationship that would not have been good for me or the other person. Although wise, that still put a bit more of a damper on the week.

I did watch “Love Actually” on Christmas Eve. Alone, but I watched it … and lived vicariously through the characters.

Point being … it was not the greatest of holidays and I do not intend to ever repeat the performance. Two years from now I will be facing the same dilemma. I intend to start planning now … banking funds and vacation time … and reminding myself that life could always be much worse and I need to remember to live. I do hope you all had a wonderful season regardless of if you celebrate Christmas style or not.

“Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living.” ~Amanda Bradley

5 comments:

  1. I vote for a cruise. That would be so cool. I missed you and I hope that this week and the move go well.

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  2. I hate that you couldn't be with your kids during the holidays. That would really suck.

    I watched Love Actually Christmas Eve, too. I had a good cleansing cry.

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  3. I had many Christmases like the one you just had. *Hugs.*

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  4. I hear ya sister--not the best christmas for me either, made brighter only by seeing you :) Two years from now--come see me in DC! it will give me the excuse not to travel. after this christmas, I never want to travel again, at least not with a baby!

    ReplyDelete

"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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