Resolutely Silly

I have had an epiphany. Shocking, I know. But here it is: New Year resolutions are silly. Hence, I will only make silly resolutions. Make sense? I think so.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” ~ J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter Series

I hereby resolve to be infinitely more random … if that is conceivable.

Yep, I think that about covers it. What were you expecting … an entire list? Pfffft. Not from me. Well, okay, so I do publish a lot of lists. This, I confess. Not this time though.

What? What was that? You WANT a list? I don’t know. Stop. Quit it. Begging does not become you. It’s working though … a little. No, a lot. Fine! I concede. You want a list? You get a list!

Drum roll, please!!!!!

In 2009 …

I will not eat yellow snow. Unoriginal and gross, but true.

I will be sassy … sassier … the sassiest. Bold … brazen … and brassy, baby!

I will gladly agree to go with the aliens in order to spare the rest of humanity. You all know they really want me anyway.

I will campaign diligently to have peanut butter declared the perfect food. Forget the jelly. We don’t need no stinkin’ jelly.

I will consume an obscene abundance of beef. This is, after all, the year of the ox.

I will not base jump out of my office window considering the ground is a mere three feet below.

I will invest in a cape and some tights. Perhaps the costume will convince my children that mom is, indeed, a superhero.

I will not strap raw meat to my naked body and run streaking through the K9 training unit.

I will pretend to work hard and they … them … those people … will continue to pretend to pay me.

I will continue to be nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect.

I will continue to drive the bus and maintain a speed above 50 miles per hour in order to prevent a really big boom.

I will not stick a gold star on my forehead every time I succeed in a task ... tempting though that may be.

I will smash, squish, slap and kill, kill … KILL every mosquito that dares come within reaching distance of my body.

I will try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

I will stop watching movies on TV that I already own on DVD.

I will have my cake and eat it too … the baked kind not the metaphorical kind.

I will not laugh and make fun of those individuals who trip up or down the stairs in a darkened movie theater while the film is playing.

I will stop now.

I promise.

May you all have a bloody brilliant year!

“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.” ~Brooks Atkinson


  1. ummm......can I start using the gold stars if you are done with them?

  2. Since nobody really keeps New Year's resolutions, it seems to me that your idea of making only silly resolutions is very sensible. This comment comes close to being silly, I know, but close only counts in horseshoes.

  3. Happy New Year Beth! Sounds like you are off to a brilliant start:)

  4. Silly me for being away for so long.

    Tisk. Tisk. Tisk.

    Hi Beth.

  5. Desi ~ I'm not sticking them on myself. I didn't say anything about not sticking them on the kids! :o)

    Paul ~ Sensible, indeed. Thank you Good to "see" you again.

    KK ~ Happy New Year to you as well! Cheers!

    n2 ~ WOW! I'd just about given up on you. Welcome back. Will you be blogging soon??

  6. Very convicting and inspiring both, what an ambitious list. This one particularly spoke to me on a deep level:

    I will stop watching movies on TV that I already own on DVD.

    I don't know why I do this, I think it may be a real problem in my life. Thanks Beth for having the courage to talk about a problem so many of us suffer from.

  7. Thank you for the humour.

    Happy New Year!

  8. You are most welcome. Thank you for spelling "humour" with a "u". This American raised in a British colony appreciates the little things that have slowly been trained out of me in this bloody country! :o)

  9. Hey Beth,

    Hope you are having a wonderful new year so far. I love the one about laughing at peopel who trip up or down the stairs.



"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman


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