Resolutely Silly




I have had an epiphany. Shocking, I know. But here it is: New Year resolutions are silly. Hence, I will only make silly resolutions. Make sense? I think so.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” ~ J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter Series

I hereby resolve to be infinitely more random … if that is conceivable.

Yep, I think that about covers it. What were you expecting … an entire list? Pfffft. Not from me. Well, okay, so I do publish a lot of lists. This, I confess. Not this time though.

What? What was that? You WANT a list? I don’t know. Stop. Quit it. Begging does not become you. It’s working though … a little. No, a lot. Fine! I concede. You want a list? You get a list!

Drum roll, please!!!!!

In 2009 …

I will not eat yellow snow. Unoriginal and gross, but true.

I will be sassy … sassier … the sassiest. Bold … brazen … and brassy, baby!

I will gladly agree to go with the aliens in order to spare the rest of humanity. You all know they really want me anyway.

I will campaign diligently to have peanut butter declared the perfect food. Forget the jelly. We don’t need no stinkin’ jelly.

I will consume an obscene abundance of beef. This is, after all, the year of the ox.

I will not base jump out of my office window considering the ground is a mere three feet below.

I will invest in a cape and some tights. Perhaps the costume will convince my children that mom is, indeed, a superhero.

I will not strap raw meat to my naked body and run streaking through the K9 training unit.

I will pretend to work hard and they … them … those people … will continue to pretend to pay me.

I will continue to be nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect.

I will continue to drive the bus and maintain a speed above 50 miles per hour in order to prevent a really big boom.

I will not stick a gold star on my forehead every time I succeed in a task ... tempting though that may be.

I will smash, squish, slap and kill, kill … KILL every mosquito that dares come within reaching distance of my body.

I will try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

I will stop watching movies on TV that I already own on DVD.

I will have my cake and eat it too … the baked kind not the metaphorical kind.

I will not laugh and make fun of those individuals who trip up or down the stairs in a darkened movie theater while the film is playing.

I will stop now.

I promise.

May you all have a bloody brilliant year!

“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.” ~Brooks Atkinson

9 comments:

  1. ummm......can I start using the gold stars if you are done with them?

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  2. Since nobody really keeps New Year's resolutions, it seems to me that your idea of making only silly resolutions is very sensible. This comment comes close to being silly, I know, but close only counts in horseshoes.

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  3. Happy New Year Beth! Sounds like you are off to a brilliant start:)

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  4. Silly me for being away for so long.

    Tisk. Tisk. Tisk.

    Hi Beth.

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  5. Desi ~ I'm not sticking them on myself. I didn't say anything about not sticking them on the kids! :o)

    Paul ~ Sensible, indeed. Thank you Good to "see" you again.

    KK ~ Happy New Year to you as well! Cheers!

    n2 ~ WOW! I'd just about given up on you. Welcome back. Will you be blogging soon??

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  6. Very convicting and inspiring both, what an ambitious list. This one particularly spoke to me on a deep level:

    I will stop watching movies on TV that I already own on DVD.

    I don't know why I do this, I think it may be a real problem in my life. Thanks Beth for having the courage to talk about a problem so many of us suffer from.

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  7. Thank you for the humour.

    Happy New Year!

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  8. You are most welcome. Thank you for spelling "humour" with a "u". This American raised in a British colony appreciates the little things that have slowly been trained out of me in this bloody country! :o)

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  9. Hey Beth,

    Hope you are having a wonderful new year so far. I love the one about laughing at peopel who trip up or down the stairs.

    Cheers!

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"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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