To All The Men I Loved Before ...

“No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.” ~ Francois Mocuriac

I was … am … continue to be … (whatever) … boy crazy. From the age of five I always remember having a crush on one boy or another. It was an interesting dichotomy in my life considering I was … am … continue to be … (whatever) … a tomboy and most (not all, but most) of my really close friends were guys.

I was … am … continue to be … (whatever) … a boy crazy tomboy.

There were, however, rules. Unwritten rules. Unconscious rules. The most important being: **absolutely no falling for the guy friends**. Easy enough, apparently, as I do not recall ever having a crush on one of my best friends. It was an invisible line that I didn’t dare allow myself to cross. Wait. I lie. That line got tip-toed across on a couple of occasions. I kissed one best friend ONCE (sober) in late high school. I kissed another best friend ONCE (rum influenced) in early college. Both instances conjured up an immediate and painfully awkward Luke & Leia “Ewwww! You’re my brother!” type reaction. Shudder!

Back to the crushes and first loves. Back to all the men I loved before …

There were a lot of them. Some were highly memorable. Others were not. When I was five I remember being completely infatuated with the pastor’s son at our church. He was the first. I don’t remember his name. My parents may know. We used to pick wild blackberries together and there is a photograph of us sharing a hammock floating around somewhere. Good times.

Once the trend began, well, the rest is history. I have been thinking back over some of the boys in my life over the last few weeks. Fondly, not obsessively. I am single at the moment and I am not currently in love … nor do I have a crush on anyone … except, maybe,
Hugh Jackman but that doesn’t count. What I have realized in my reminiscence is that these guys were pretty damn lucky to have had a part in my life. A girl like me is impossible to find. Yep, I said that.

"When you develop an infatuation for someone, you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason." ~The Beach, Film (2000)

So, I dedicate this post to the boys … the men … who have been a part of my life. You were all pretty awesome. A couple of you I probably should have fought for at one time or another (prior to my failed marriage, of course) … but I truly have no regrets. In fact, I am guessing not one of you will read this blathering, but I have a few words for the more memorable of you … grade school (1980) through early college (1994):

G.D. ~ I apologize for chasing you down, tackling you, and kissing you during every single recess in first grade. I hope I did not scar you for life.

J.S. ~ I’m sorry I didn’t like you in third grade when you were madly in love with me. I’m even sorrier that you didn’t like me in fourth grade when I was madly in love with you.

S.L. ~ My sixth grade “boyfriend” simply because we said so. Thanks for always making me laugh.

C.L. ~ The first of the “bad boy” crushes. I still haven’t managed to get that out of my system and I’m almost thirty-five. Great, thanks!

T.M. ~ You made track practice infinitely more enjoyable … for one year … and then you were gone. Boo!

“If young love is just a game then I must have missed the kick-off.” ~Blink 182

D.P. ~ My first summer romance. My first kiss. My first date. My first boyfriend. A girl doesn’t forget these things even when separated by continents.

C.T. ~ There had to be at least one crush on the older brother of one of my friends. You were it and you knew it and you worked it.

S.G. ~ You once rejected an awkward, stringy-haired, gangly, and smitten junior high girl. Four years later that changed. My first true love. There it is. I said it. Thanks for the memories and the continuing friendship.

B.S. ~ The token underclassmen. I told you life would move on after I graduated.

J.D. ~ We should have dated. I haven’t quite figured out why we didn’t. The chemistry was there in abundance. The friendship was there. It was all there. Missed opportunity.

J.H. ~ Passion. You had it and applied it to just about everything in your life. Perhaps it was the Latin influence. It was contagious.

K.M. ~ You pursued. Relentlessly. In retrospect … well, it was interesting.

D.P. ~ The. Perfect. Man. You were the one I never had the guts to actually approach or flirt with or show that I was interested. Why? I know not. Few men intimidated me. You would be the only one.

And, finally …

K.W. ~ I fell hard for you … and then you disappeared … back to Maryland, was it? Thank you for that one most memorable and perfect kiss. We should have figured out sooner that there was something there for both of us.

See? I told you I was boy crazy. Just think - that was a mere random sampling.

So, here I am. Single. The only men in my life are my two awesome boys and they will have to be enough for now. I know that eventually someone else will come into my life. One lesson I have learned over the years is not to rush matters of the heart. Until then, I have my memories … and, of course, there is always Hugh Jackman.

“The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.” ~Juno, Film (2007)


  1. Hmmm, can figure out only about 1/2...Quite the riddle.

  2. Well ... you only know half (or somewhere there). I could always send you the key, but there is no way I was mentioning names in such a public forum without their consent. It was a fun one to write. I had to edit out a few individuals though. :o)

  3. This was a fun list to read, and I had fun identifying those that I could. It's fun to think through memories like this!

  4. Awwww....this was fun to read..

    And somehow, you kinda capture what's bn happening to me recently..lols

    You tackled a boy?? hahaha

  5. Bethany ~ Thanks! It was actually a blast to write.

    val ~ Feeling nostalgic as well, are you?

    Let's see ... Did I tackle a boy? Yes, well, there was a period of time there where I was the toughest kid (boy or girl) around. I tackled many a boy and joined in many an impromptu rugby match through the years. Great memories!


"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman


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