"The most dangerous food is wedding cake." ~James Thurber
I complain about my job a lot. Other than the fact that I am grossly underpaid, it is not a bad gig and I should be more grateful. Truthfully, I am not very challenged and that is probably the source of any discontentment I have. Otherwise, I have great scenery, the people aren’t so bad and I like doing my thing and convincing various groups that this is the place for them. In this, my powers of persuasion suit me well.
Take today. This afternoon I met with a lovely potential client. A bride. She arrived with her fiancé, her mom and his mom. Truthfully, this is a gorgeous location and it does a lot to sell itself, but I am there to seal the deal. Deal sealed. Potential client is now a client. Just over an hour after their arrival I held signed contracts (complete with hefty deposits) in my hands for not only the wedding & reception, but the rehearsal dinner as well. Go me.
Visits with bridal parties can be fun as it always affords me the opportunity to tell tales on previous wedding events we have hosted … excluding all names and dates, of course. There have been some great weddings, some good ones and some pretty out-of-control ones. Some stories are told in jest. Others are told as a humorous, yet subtle, reminder to try and keep your guests in check. There was one instance where we had to drain the swimming pool due to shattered wine glasses. That was not such a good wedding.
We had another one this past weekend. Alas! I missed it, but I have heard the tales. Let me say that all went smoothly. There were no riotous guests running down the halls and no drunks in the lobby. We didn’t even have to drain the pool. No, it was fairly quiet. But … there is the little matter of taste. Redneck weddings are one thing. Rich redneck weddings are something else. As mentioned, I was not present the day of the event. It was not my turn to be present just in case the bridal party needed anything. But, I did see a majority of the decorations on Friday evening before I left. Let’s just say that there were deer involved: huge silver and gold deer … for a wedding reception. I will let you imagine the rest (including father-of-the-bride’s homemade wine) because what I really have to tell you is far more disturbing … amusing ... scary …??? Please don’t sue me for having an opinion.
It involves the groom’s cake. Remember the armadillo cake from the horrible (another opinion) movie ‘Steel Magnolias’ that was made with red velvet cake so it looked like blood when they cut into the armadillo? This TRUMPS that cake.
A friend of mine was bartending at the wedding. Bartenders arrive early to set-up and make sure all required “there will be heavy drinking here” paraphernalia is present. When all met her approval she wandered down to watch the cake-decorator-baker-person assemble the groom’s cake. It started with a large circular ring of chocolate cake. Think massive doughnut with a flat top and a flat bottom. The inside of the ring was filled with some sort of chocolate ganache or pudding. Then, the entire thing was covered in chocolate shavings and crumbled chocolate cookies. At this point, as my friend is animatedly telling me this tale, I wonder, “Hey! That sounds pretty good!” She continues her description. Admittedly, I zoned out for a bit … tuning back in for the good part. You see, when all was said and done, an edible fondant label was slapped on the front of that large, round, flat cake. It read “Copenhagen” … as in snuff. The groom’s cake was a can of snuff. SNUFF!!!! And, apparently (though slightly different), it has been done before. Snuff cake. Those words don’t even belong together.
I have nothing left to say on the subject, except to ask myself, “Can I leave Arkansas now?”