Several hours ago what resided in this space was a far different post. If you read it: Great! If you commented: I apologize, but they are now gone. If you missed it: Well, apparently you missed a grand opportunity to completely misinterpret what was written as it pertained to me as an individual.
The message of that post was this:
1. I found myself in a new situation.
2. I allowed my self-esteem issues to get the best of me.
3. I spent a week angry at myself.
4. I have harnessed that anger to physically & mentally attack the self doubt in order to boost my own confidence for the future.
I had shared an extremely short version of the situation on my prior entry but, quite apparently, there were either far too many details or far too much vagueness to effectively communicate the four points above. The information given has been deciphered in a number of different ways and I have heard about them all. There were only a couple of blog comments, but I did receive a few emails and it was discussed in an instant message conversation as well. It is rare that I do not convey myself in words exactly as I intended. I must admit, in this case, that I did not do such a great job.
Interestingly enough, however, there was a statement in the first comment that has sat with me all evening. It read:
“If there were any spark of possibility in this then you wouldn't have been so plagued with self-doubt - not at your age.”
I’m curious. At what age, exactly, do we stop being plagued with self-doubt? I know the general consensus is that we grow into ourselves and become more comfortable in our skin as we age … but is there a magic age at which point self-esteem issues vanish? Did I miss it? Surely I’m not the only
“It's easy to be confident when you have control of the puck. It's very difficult to keep that confidence when you have to take whatever strange bounces life throws your way. Don't be careless, but don't be too careful either. You cannot be afraid to lose. That's how you gain the confidence - attack the game when the puck isn't yours.” ~D3: The Mighty Ducks, Film (1996)*
*The inner tomboy in me loves sports movies. Even the cheesy ones offer up some brilliant dialogue now and then. This one is crazy accurate. I had control of the puck. The game was mine to lose and I became afraid. The lesson I (re)learned (for I used to always be on the offensive) was to “attack the game” when the puck isn’t mine.