Feeling Carnivorous

I’m a born carnivore. In fact, let me introduce you to my favorite restaurant on the planet. Want to take a guess as to the name? Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you The Carnivore: great food (vegetables optional) during dining hours & a fabulous nightclub after hours.

Let me take this moment to deny any rumors you may hear or read regarding my ability to out eat the boys rugby players during eating competitions at this all-you-can eat grill. There is no proof that this ever occurred … no photographic evidence … just the word of a few highly untrustworthy (wink) individuals.

That was another life. I don’t eat like that. I do, however, think that steak is the perfect food which is what makes my current situation all the more difficult. I finally became motivated enough to really buckle down on my eating habits. Not diet. I don’t diet. But, I do need to eat in a more healthy fashion. I began several days ago and I’ve been doing well (a lot of green vegetables & a little lean meat – the usual) … until today. By the time I left work there was only one thing on my mind, “I want red meat. Seriously. I. WANT. RED. MEAT.”

I’ve had protein: fish, chicken, turkey, eggs … even almonds. Protein is important and these things I can consume in moderation. Beef is a weakness. Truthfully, now, who eats an American Heart Association recommended 3 or 4 ounce steak? Who? Do you know how small that is? Miniscule. It’s tiny! I can’t trust myself with red meat because I can’t handle the portion control.

Tonight … for dinner … I caved. I ate steak. I ate a lot of steak. You know what? It was SO good. Part of me thinks I should feel a wee bit guilty for cheating. Oh, no worries, it is a very, very, very, very small part. In fact – oh – oops – look at that – it’s gone.

"Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!" ~Troy McClure

Seriously folks, with steak on the planet … who needs chocolate?


  1. Would you believe I've never been to Carnivore?

    Blashphemy, I know.

    I mean to try it and then, someday, I can speak in company about the qualities of smoked zebra and fried giraffe or whatnot. I imagine that'll help (not) to dispel the myths about Africa.

    As a fellow carnivore, albeit one not quite to your level yet, I approve of this post.

  2. mmmm...Carnivore...

    I miss Africa so much right now it hurts.

    Everything in moderation. Well, most things. Steak. Good for the soul.

  3. I feel for the cows in your life... Happy belated mother's day:)

  4. Mo ~ Dude! You need to go. I have a very good friend from high school whose husband performs there every Tuesday. If you don't go for you ... GO FOR ME so I can live vicariously through your experience.

    Dori ~ Agonizing, huh? It doesn't help that my eldest asks me almost every day when I'm going to take him to Africa.

    Anyone else reading this: I'm accepting donations. :o)

    KK ~ There are no cows in my life? OH ... I must have eaten them all.

  5. "I am Cow, hear me moo,
    I weigh twice as much as you
    And I look good on the BBQ..." -Arrogant Worms, "I Am Cow"

    you're not the only one who can pull out a quote! LOL

  6. Bybee ~ I FREAKING LOVE THAT!!! Oh, and I'm quite sure there is more than a quote or two you could teach me! :o)

  7. Mmmmmm...Carnivore. Let's go back to Kenya right now!

  8. Is Carnivore an Arkansas or Midwestern thing? I would love to try it - as I totally agree with the steak over chocolate thing by the way - but where can I find this place?!

  9. Carrie ~ Lead the way ...

    Alex ~ The Carnivore, my friend, is in Nairobi, Kenya. Unless you are up for some serious trans-atlantic travel then you'll have to find a substitute. Might a suggest a Brazilian Churrascaria (steakhouse) as it is the closest you will find in the States. The I-used-to-be-a-concierge-in-a-former-life-self is quite sure there are several in the greater LAX area.

  10. Fat and docile, big and dumb
    They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
    Cows aren't fun

    They eat to grow, they grow to die
    They die to be eat at the hamburger fry
    Cows well done

    Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
    No one imagined the great cow guru
    Cows are one

    He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
    He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
    Cow Tse Tongue

    He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
    He felt like an outcast, alone, in the herd.
    Cow doldrums

    He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die
    Cows gathered around, cause the stakes were so high
    Bad cow pun

    But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
    Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate
    Cows are bummed

    He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
    No one suspected he was packing Uzi
    Cows with guns

    They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
    He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
    Cow well hung

    Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
    Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
    Run cows run!

    He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
    We are free roving bovines, we run free today

    We will fight for bovine freedom
    And hold our large heads high
    We will run free with the Buffalo, or die...
    Cows with guns

    They crashed the gate in a great stampede
    Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
    Cows have fun

    Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
    Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
    Much cow dump

    Black smoke rising, darkening the day
    Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way

    We will fight for bovine freedom
    And hold our large heads high
    We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
    Cows with guns

    The President said "Enough is Enough!
    These uppity cattle, its time to get tough"
    Cow dung flung

    The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
    Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
    Cows on buns

    The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
    They mooed their last moos,
    they chewed their last hay
    Cows out gunned

    The order was given, turn cows to whoppers
    Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
    But on the horizon, surrounding the shoppers
    Came the deafening roar, of chickens, in choppers!

    We will fight for bovine freedom
    And hold our large heads high
    We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
    Cows with guns

  11. Oh, forgot, that little ditty is "Cows with Guns" by Dana Lyons

  12. You know I would read this when I just got in from work and am starving.

    Off to go devour something.

  13. I have decided that I don't believe in eating right. I believe in eating WELL. Which means I don't judge myself for eating something yummy that I like as long as I'm reasonable most of the time. I'm not, but that's the part I'm working on.

    If I had the money, I would so be the kind of person who flew to Nairobi just because I was craving the steak.

    And a good steak can be better than dessert.

  14. I have forgotten what steak tastes like.

  15. So, um, long time no blog, eh?


"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman


Blog Widget by LinkWithin