My Watermelon Moment


“Nice Boat!” I said to a fairly attractive man as I crossed the resort parking lot Friday afternoon on my way to my vehicle. As soon as the words escaped my lips I knew it was quite evident to Mr. Handsome that I didn’t know a damn thing about boats. Just because a boat looks powerful and has a nice paint job doesn’t mean it actually is, indeed, a “nice boat.” Polite flirting fail. I might as well have uttered, “Oooooh! **giggle** Shiny!” I think it would have had the same effect.

You can't say mom didn't try! She kept putting me in dresses.

I realized quite some time ago that the ‘Motorized Vehicle’ chapter of my Tomboy Handbook had obviously been ripped out by someone (probably my brother) who was concerned that I would reach womanhood without a shred of femininity if drastic measures were not taken. Either that or I was too occupied with far more important pastimes such as climbing many a tree, rolling in the mud, setting traps for unsuspecting wildlife or beating the shite out of the boys at free-for-all-rugby to pay attention to the mechanical workings of planes, trains, automobiles and, quite evidently, boats. Oh, I can manage basic vehicular upkeep. I know the process required to change the oil in my truck. I don’t. Why bother when someone else can do it so much better… and in less than 10 minutes? I can and have changed many a tire. Still, I’d rather not. If some chivalrous individual moseys along and offers to change it for me… well, yes sir… I do need some help. And, just this year, I taught myself how to change the spark plugs. These things, however, do not qualify me to speak on the subject with any intelligence or authority.

You would think this knowledge would be enough to prohibit me from attempting to bring motor vehicles like… say BOATS… into polite conversation. Wrong. I should have simply said, “Hi!” or wished him a pleasant stay or to have a good weekend. No. That would have been far too easy… and logical. It’s like that scene in ‘Dirty Dancing’ (Yes, I’m going to quote a chick flick. Back off!) where Jennifer Grey, obviously a bit struck by Patrick Swayze’s sexy dancing awesomeness, looks at him at first introduction and mumbles the line that makes every woman cringe:

“I carried a watermelon.”

12 comments:

  1. I am quite sure Mr. Handsome still appreciated the comment! ;-)

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  2. many a man/boy (where is the diff? the toys just seems to grow bigger along with the person) probably know just as little about boats or similar. But you will be hard pressed to find them admitting such, except to very close friends...

    even then, the guy probably had his little brain override his large one, ones he discovered that someone of opposite gender favorably commented something of his...

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  3. Sweetheart, sweetheart - you're worrying WAY too much about this. You liked the truck (and the guy), so the comment was fine. Besides, I've noticed that guys don't mind women not knowing this stuff since it gives them PLENTY of opportunities to explain it to you while sounding impressive. Guys like being an expert in something (some women do too actually) so consider your motor vehicle ignorance to be an asset not a #tomboyfail. ;-P

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  4. Somewhere, Mr. Handsome is totally kicking himself for making a weird face and not talking to the hot chick who admired his boat. Or whatever the hell it was.

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  5. I love this!!! We've all had watermelon moments and this is a perfect way to describe those moments when you wish the ground would just open up ans swallow you.

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  6. Better than the time I called my hot neighbor an idiot for using speaker wire to rewire his starter...yeah, he pretty much stopped flirting after that.

    I was lousy at sports (last time I played volleyball I broke my leg--go ahead, laugh. They all do.) But I made up for it in mechanical skillz. I discovered that a lot of guys don't dig having a girl show them up in car/mechanical knowledge-you're far better off with your sports knowledge!

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  7. I can bet Mr. Handsome is probably regretting the lost opportunity. A lot has been said of men not being observant enough..but i think they are only that it takes long to register. With that sometime they realize the sweet, the good, the bad and the ugly when it is too late.

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  8. Oh... wow! I should answer comments.

    @John ~ Maybe. =)

    @turnselfoff ~ Boys and their toys! So true.

    @CL ~ Worry? No worry here, luv. By the time I reached my truck that afternoon I was almost in tears with laughter at myself. I still find it funny.

    Finn ~ Let's hope!

    grapejennybean ~ Indeed, we do. At least I can laugh at myself.

    Dori ~ I wouldn't swap my knowledge of sport for that of motor vehicles... ever. Whew!

    kachwanya ~ Oh, I don't find men to be unobservant. They just don't always show it.

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  9. And... I'm highly amused that no one chose to comment on that childhood pic of me. =)

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  10. Beautifully written with your wonderful wit and self-brutalizing honesty! A moment we can all relate to. But when the reader places themselves in "Mr Handsome's" shoes, we know you left him with a smile on his face and an extra spring in his step. You never know, you may well have changed his life? You may well have saved his life? When to people connect in those special or awkward moments there is cause and effect. You've left that moment and chewed upon it and written about it. That moment added colour to your life. I wonder what effect it had on him.... :)

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  11. Tim ~ I love the "little moments" that don't often reveal how they have changed our lives until a later date. I wrote a very short post about Synchronized Strangers that illustrates the concept fairly well.

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  12. Hi Beth,

    You were spontaneous...perhaps that's all that matters.

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"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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