“Nice Boat!” I said to a fairly attractive man as I crossed the resort parking lot Friday afternoon on my way to my vehicle. As soon as the words escaped my lips I knew it was quite evident to Mr. Handsome that I didn’t know a damn thing about boats. Just because a boat looks powerful and has a nice paint job doesn’t mean it actually is, indeed, a “nice boat.” Polite flirting fail. I might as well have uttered, “Oooooh! **giggle** Shiny!” I think it would have had the same effect.
I realized quite some time ago that the ‘Motorized Vehicle’ chapter of my Tomboy Handbook had obviously been ripped out by someone (probably my brother) who was concerned that I would reach womanhood without a shred of femininity if drastic measures were not taken. Either that or I was too occupied with far more important pastimes such as climbing many a tree, rolling in the mud, setting traps for unsuspecting wildlife or beating the shite out of the boys at free-for-all-rugby to pay attention to the mechanical workings of planes, trains, automobiles and, quite evidently, boats. Oh, I can manage basic vehicular upkeep. I know the process required to change the oil in my truck. I don’t. Why bother when someone else can do it so much better… and in less than 10 minutes? I can and have changed many a tire. Still, I’d rather not. If some chivalrous individual moseys along and offers to change it for me… well, yes sir… I do need some help. And, just this year, I taught myself how to change the spark plugs. These things, however, do not qualify me to speak on the subject with any intelligence or authority.
You would think this knowledge would be enough to prohibit me from attempting to bring motor vehicles like… say BOATS… into polite conversation. Wrong. I should have simply said, “Hi!” or wished him a pleasant stay or to have a good weekend. No. That would have been far too easy… and logical. It’s like that scene in ‘Dirty Dancing’ (Yes, I’m going to quote a chick flick. Back off!) where Jennifer Grey, obviously a bit struck by Patrick Swayze’s sexy dancing awesomeness, looks at him at first introduction and mumbles the line that makes every woman cringe:
“I carried a watermelon.”