Never Say Never Again

Disclaimer: If you came here looking for a Bond, James Bond reference… you aren’t going to find it. Actually, here is a Bond lesson for you: That movie has no place in the film franchise. In fact, it *isn’t* part of the official franchise. Worst. Bond. Movie. Ever. I’ll get off that soapbox now and you can wander back to Google or Yahoo or, hell, Bing… wherever you arrived from in the great land of internet search wars and try again. Serves you right. You shouldn’t have searched for that abomination of a movie anyway.


A very good friend recently asked me, seeing as I’ve been single for a while now, if I intend to ever get married again. You have to love a friend that feels secure enough to ask that kind of a question… especially when said friend also knows she will get the brutally honest truth in response. I hadn’t really thought about it, actually, but I had an answer. Of course I did, right?!

Here’s the deal: I want to say that I will never get married again until my kids are, at the very least, out of high school (if ever). I want to say that, but I can’t predict the future. The title of this post serves as a preemptive reminder to never say “never”… that way I will never have to say “never” again. Got it?

Why would I not want to get married again? There are reasons. Yes, I’m going to tell you. One reason is reasonably unselfish (sort of). The other one is pure selfishness (at least I can admit it). Let’s face it; there are only two categories of marriageable men out there for me: 1) The man who has never been married or who is divorced but who NEVER had children and 2) The man who has never been married or who is divorced but who DOES have children. Quite obviously, the operative word in both of those categories is “children.” I know what you’re thinking (she says in her best Magnum P.I. narrative style), “What the hell, Beth? You have your own kids.” Indeed, I do.

“Let me 'splain… No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” ~Princess Bride, Film (1987)

No Children
Who am I to deny a man having his own kids? I have my children. I love my children, but I made sure a long time ago that I would never bear another child. In fact, I had to make sure twice. (Long story. Not elaborating. Yes, it is probably what you are thinking.) Also, I am not adopting any children. I know that seems terribly hypocritical seeing as I am … oh … adopted. The point is that my boys are 14 and 9 in age now. This is a good thing. Baby? Toddler? Pre-schooler? Not for me. Not now. Thank you very much. I know there are men out there who think they don’t want children. Marrying one, however, is risky. What if he changes his mind (and the odds that he eventually would do just that are remarkably high)? Divorce. Again. Meh. Why set myself up for that?

Children (*)
I am not Carol Brady. This is not the Brady Bunch.
The ‘Yours, Mine and Ours’ concept = STRESS!
1) I will be 43 years old when my youngest graduates from high school. That’s young. I intend to make up for my twenty-something years. Why marry a man who has his own children that are younger than or near the same age as my children and deny myself those years of freedom that I’m ready to have? Told you: Selfish. 2) I have been the disciplinarian for my guys since they were born. I don’t know how I would handle someone else stepping in to help me or how I would handle blending discipline styles. Scary stuff. 3) Confession: I generally dislike other people’s children. I know. That’s terrible. There you go.

(*) The one noticeable exception is the man who has children… but they are already out of the house. This scenario is doable, but point #2 still applies.

Never will I marry a man who has not had his own children?
Never will I marry a man who has children?

Never say never.

There is a quote from the movie ‘Meet Joe Black’ directly relating to love and relationships. It lives in the back of my mind constantly… further reminder of how dangerous the word “never” can be when one is hypothesizing about one’s own future:

“You never know. Lightning could strike.”

8 comments:

  1. "Never will I marry a man who has not had his own children?
    Never will I marry a man who has children?"

    It sounds a bit like a riddle that a Sphinx would put to me while I'm standing on a narrow, mountain path. Answer incorrectly, and I get tossed into the abyss! :-)

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  2. The really scary part is that it's logical.

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  3. I get this.

    And who said you get to be so much younger than I am?

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  4. I could be lying about my age. I'm not, but I could be. Then again, I could be lying now.

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  5. I'm not in a position to propose to you, Beth, in fact let me get this quite clear, I don't meet all your criteria. In fact I fail on only one criterion: I'm married, most happily so. Four children, three grandchildren. I'm old enough and disreputable enough to say that I don't like children. A child on my horizon would have to reach the age of eleven, approximately, before I might consider talking to it & finding out its name. Before that it is the the responsibility of its mother.

    {Having written the above with a savage satisfaction, I realize that my only experience of fathers is two stepfathers (in succession, not in parallel) who each treated me as above: one till eleven, one after, neither of whom I got on with.}

    It is wonderful to be child-free and I'm indignant to be near screaming children on a bus or in a pub.

    As I warned you at the start of this diatribe, this is not a proposal of marriage, and your lawyer needs to be aware of that!

    Seriously, what you have set forth is admirably realistic & you have my total approval. Put suitors in touch with me and I'll subject them to an interrogation, using only the most effective CIA techniques.

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  6. Well, f*ck! Vincent, you KNOW I had my heart set on you! =) Alas! I will be sure to run potential candidates past you for a grueling pass/fail test.

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  7. Not that you need my help...you've got Vincent to help lol, but men (and women) who have never had kids are insufferable. They think they know everything and are experts at childrearing and love to share their opinion. So another strike for the "don't-haves."

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  8. Bybee ~ Why IS that? Seriously? WHY? It's absolutely true.

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"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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