I'll Sleep With You For A Meatball


Halfway through week one of vegetarianism and I’m hungry. All. The. Time. Yes, I’m doing the multiple small meals thing and I have a bag of edamame (healthy snack food of choice) practically attached to my body. I also realize the seemingly permanent ravenous state I’m currently suffering is truly not forever. By the weekend I’ll likely be adapted to the new routine. I usually am. Right now, however … “I’ll sleep with you for a meatball.” ~Victor/Victoria, Film (1982)

My carnivorous cravings should come as no surprise; but, why a meatball?

1. Practically any type of ground animal flesh can be made into a meatball.

2. Fat. Meatballs are loaded with fat. All the other stuff (bread crumbs, often cheese, etc.) we put in meatballs add extra fat or hold in the natural fat (and flavor) of the meat. Fat = Flavor. It’s a sad truth.

(I’m very aware at how mildly disgusting points #1 and #2 sound. Thank you.)

3. Where do we normally find meatballs? Typically they are located in some sort of sauce and on many an occasion they are perched atop a massive pile of pasta. Sigh.

Did I mention I’m hungry?

4. Fact: The movie quote was there for the taking and I HAD to use it.

It’s a relatively safe claim, I think. I have enough willpower to not jump into bed with the first person that shows up at my door with a meatball. I might even have enough self restraint to not eat the meatball. Even if I do eat it, I’m a master at playing the semantics card. I eat the meatball… we take a nap. I love the English language.

21 comments:

  1. I don't know . . . eating a meatball AND getting laid? Sounds like a win-win.

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  2. Aly ~ You make a solid point... especially considering how long, well, nevermind. =)

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  3. a. How are 1 & 2 even remotely disgusting?

    b. You can do this, Beth.

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  4. If I came to your home with two meatballs and a big sausage would that get you suitably excited?
    :)

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  5. Mo ~ a. In reading back over what I had typed there was a minor foreshadowing of comments relating to my choice of wording. Obviously I was wrong. b. Yes, I know. I think.

    Bob ~ There. It. Is. There would have been a large opportunity wasted if this innuendo was not expressed. Alas! Not the source I anticipated it coming from. =) Still funny though.

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  6. See what you've done *drool*. . . . Now I'm hungry and craving some meatballs!

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  7. Hey, if push comes to shove and all livestock die out due to this global warming thing, then you all better watch your backs. Just saying.

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  8. Great blog and a very topical post - check out:
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8341002.stm

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  9. Sibbie ~ I KNOW! Me too.

    Mo ~ CANNIBAL! =)

    Nat ~ Fabulous article. Thanks!

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  10. I'm just checking in after a long absence--Why on earth are you becoming vegetarian? Have you lost your mind completely? :)

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  11. Holly ~ For that story, my dear, read 2 blogs back: Part Time Parsnipian. =)

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  12. How interesting to consider the fact that our love of eating fatty things originated...why, on the African Savannah, of course!

    Where our ability to gorge ourselves on fat in times of plenty meant the difference between life and death during subsequent periods of dearth.

    But I wax overly philosophic....

    Good luck with your efforts, and keep fighting that good fight, Oh Full-Time Edamamean! ;-)

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  13. You are so very amusing...truly. Every ounce of my essence naturally repels the vegetarian diet and it sounds like in that regard, you are exactly the same girl. It would make me very bitchy indeed--people would literally be offering steak dinners!

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  14. Three words: Mushrooms. Olives. Nuts.

    I was a serious vegetarian for several years when, while pregnant with my first child, I regained my taste for blood. Newly single and eating for two, I had big, sexy dreams about eating bloody rare steak alongside my spinach salad and organic brown rice pilaf. Given that everything else was making me throw up, I yielded and had steak orgies until the next big change: the only foods I could eat without gagging were white or orange.

    No more spinach or steak. Enter chicken breast topped with apricots poached in white wine, with a side of baked potatoes, or carrots glazed with orange juice.

    When I wasn't green at the gills, the challenges of keeping myself eating were really kind of fun.

    Vegetarianism can be fun, too. Just stay away from evangelists when your need is for fun - evangelists don't understand how to celebrate temptation.

    Because I was a sometimes-vegetarian with a background in cooking for restaurants, I often got the job of bringing something that could be a main dish for vegetarians to meat-eater's potlucks. You can't fake meat, but you can "trompe l'tastebud," if that tastebud has certain expectations. Think of what non-meat foods share properties that you are missing, and browse cookbooks.

    Do you crave protein? Something salty, with substance for chewing? Look at other things you like, and how they might feed the need.

    If you like mushrooms, a portabella "pizza" with black olives and fresh tomatoes could give your mouth something interesting to do. If you like garlic, roast some and spread it on toast, and dip that toast in pesto - pesto is a protein source. You can make your own pesto-like tapenade with toasted walnuts, roasted garlic, black olives, and romano (unless you're going vegan, which is an adventure in itself): spread on sourdough, toast until oozy, drink a little red wine...

    Variety is the spice of life. Avoiding what you want - not so much. Exploring life - yes, oh, yes.

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  15. Elizabeth ~ Lovely to have you visit! Feel free to share any and all things food related. =) That pizza sounds delectable.

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  16. Sometimes I bubble. :)

    Food ----- mmmmm, and art and literature have this effect on me - LOL - and if I think about it, probably science and psychology, too. Life is grand. :D

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  17. Verdict? I'm doing okay... getting better at it. Have I cheated? Absolutely. But, I'm not beating myself up over it.

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  18. So, I found this through mystery google and all I want to say is I am on my fourth year of being a vegetarian and the convenience of meat sometimes crosses my mind. It helps if I think of the reasons why I became a vegetarian and those convince me I'm doing the right thing by not eating meat. Have fun experimenting your favorite meat-meals with vegetarian substitutes and eat lots of black beans! Honestly, if you don't have the time (busy life schedule) to devote to changing your diet, it's going to be hard and you might not succeed. I wish you the best!

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"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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