The Rising Sun


“However long the night, the dawn will break.” ~African Proverb



Dawn. I often give the light of the new day the shaft … a bad rap … an unfair assessment. It is no secret that I am not, and will likely never be, a
morning person. At the age of three weeks, when I was adopted, my parents were warned: “Good luck. She has her nights and days confused.” Not much has changed. Still, even I, the lover of the nocturnal, must confess that there is a level of hope that comes with the rising sun. A new day. A new beginning. Alas! It would seem that I am not only daybreak challenged in regard to hauling my body out of bed each morning but that I possess an aptitude for missing the metaphorical dawn as well. A fresh start pertaining to me, personally, could reveal itself to me in the most astonishing fashion and I would likely miss it. Perhaps I enjoy the dark, the literal night as well as my own melancholia, a little too much. C’est la vie.

I am not completely blinded by the light. I promise. Personally, yes, I cover up my face (or wear sunglasses) in protest that my eyes are being burned by the glare of a new day. I do, however, recognize new beginnings within my family or my friends or my business and, more relevantly, my country.

It is the dawn of a new era. My eyes are open. And, I do have hope.

At first, I did not. In the beginning I was less than enthusiastic by either person presented forward as a choice for my next president. I was even less thrilled by their respective running mates. My lack of enthusiasm was not prompted by age or race or sex. Simply put: neither individual was my first choice and I was a wee bit disappointed. As an individual who has never voted party lines … I was torn. But, a decision had to be made. It was. I still had my reservations regarding both candidates as I went to the polls but vote I did. Voting is a privilege and a right and a responsibility that I never intend to abuse and I was not alone as record numbers of voters cast their ballots on November 4, 2008.

Yesterday the world tuned in to witness the outcome of that election as Barack Obama was sworn in as the forty-fourth President of The United States of America. I tuned in with them … still slightly skeptical … but hoping.

“Hope begins in the dark; the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.” ~Anne Lamott, American Author

One can not deny that change must come to this country and it must come rapidly. Unfortunately, I am quite positive that many things will get worse before they get better. This is not good news. As a single working mother who may … MAY … scrape into the bottom tier of the “lower middle class” demographic, I do not know how I will make it if things do, indeed, get much darker. I need hope.

No man is a miracle worker. Presidents are human. Speeches are designed to tell us that which we want to hear. But, if President Obama sticks to his incredibly aggressive agenda, then I expect that the change needed will slowly spread throughout this country. I listened with great intent and I heard much in his inaugural speech.

To my relief, there was a much needed call for accountability throughout this nation from the single citizen to the major corporation to the government itself (“… our collective failure to make hard choices …” “… greatness is never given. It must be earned.” “What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility.”). Whew! Ambitious! For we are – ashamedly - a nation populated by individuals (not everyone, obviously, but a large majority) and corporations who predominately believe that it is acceptable, nay preferable, to not accept responsibility for one’s actions. The blame game. ‘Tis popular, no? Popularity does not make it right.

“Just because it is, doesn’t mean it should be.” ~Australia, Film (2008)

President Obama issued a summons … a dare … a challenge to the American people that must be heard throughout this land:

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths.

What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.


It is this call, more than any other promise made, that gives me hope. I stand staring at the rising sun on the horizon and I hope that “we the people” are finally prepared to accept the responsibilities that have been bestowed upon us as members of the human race. As a believer it is important to me that we do love one another (Romans 13:8), show great respect (1 Thessalonians 5:13), and motivate one another (Hebrews 10:24). I’m not here to preach. You don’t have to be a believer and follow Biblical principles in order to know that we must have respect for our fellow man. We do, indeed, have a responsibility to one another.

I had dinner with a friend last night who very openly lets everyone know that he did NOT vote for President Obama. Me? I keep my votes to myself. Point is: he is still complaining rabidly about the fact that Barack Obama won the election. I think he needs to get over it already and I told him that quite plainly. My words may not have been as eloquent then but this is basically what I said:

As a human, you have a responsibility to respect a man who has forged his own path and, in doing so, allowed us to witness history in the making.
As a Christian, you have a responsibility to pray for him (1 Timothy 2:1-2).
As an American, you have a responsibility to honor him as your Commander and Chief and your President as elected by the people.

The sun is now setting on President Obama’s first full day in office. The (way over budget) party is over. Bleachers are being torn down. Porta potties (yuck) are being removed. People are going (or have gone) home. Roads are open (But, are the street lights working?). Audio and video towers (there were many) must go back from whence they came. The filth (trash) is being picked up. (Please, please, please tell me the trash is being picked up. For that matter – do they sort and recycle?) At the end of the day what do we find (other than the mess)? Is the sun still rising after all the pomp and circumstance has ended? Will this truly be a new era? Is there still hope?

I say, “Why, yes, there is!” The changes began today. Among them was a pledge for an
era of openness in the U.S. government. I’d say that is a bit more than a baby step. Still, the sun has just begun its ascent. Only time will tell. But, for the first time in a long time, I find that I am looking forward to the dawn of a new day … and I’m not even wearing sunglasses.

Just in case you missed it, President Obama’s inaugural speech can be viewed or read in its entirety
here. God Bless the BBC.

What Did You Just Call Me?




Names. We all have one … or two … or more. And, quite often, many of us are christened with a random assortment of nicknames. Many are quite apt. Others are more bizarre. Trust me, I have my fair share. There are some variations of my name and various nicknames that I have carried with me throughout my life. Nostalgic by nature, I have learned to embrace most of them.

“No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am also notoriously guilty for NEVER calling anyone by their preferred name. I will likely make up a nickname for you … or call you by your full name if everyone else uses a nickname … or use a physical description or personality trait in place of your name … that sort of thing. I have been likened to the character
Sawyer on the TV Show ‘LOST’ for our shared passion for the nickname game. My children alone have a multitude of given nicknames (collective and individual). I have mentioned this before but here are a few: Little K, Big K, KitKat, Chubbits, Fatheads, Dudes, Merry & Pippin, Captain Chaos, Big’n, Little’n, Gorgeous, Handsome, Wild Man, Cuddle Butt and Little Tags. That being said, this little ranting of mine may sound a bit on the hypocritical side, but there you have it. Ask me if I care.

There is an individual with whom I work that I am not ecstatically fond of being around. He/She irritates me. He/She irritates a lot of people. He/She thinks that he/she is really funny. He/She is not. He/She is in a position of authority so we say nothing. Nothing! In conversation today this person punctuated a sentence by exclaiming, “Isn’t that right, Beth … Elizabeth …. then with great gusto … LIZ!!??” (Insert any annoyingly appropriate “I think I’m hilarious” chuckle from a person in your life that fits this description here.) He/She was met with a cold silent stare of which, I am told, most individuals do not prefer to be on the receiving end. I think it went unnoticed. Why? Well, because this unnamed individual felt it necessary to continue with said “joke” despite the deafening silence in the room. “Or, is it … Bethany?” he/she said.

Now, I have no problems with being called “Elizabeth”. I have been before. Typically, though, I reserve that moniker for use by my parental units or individuals with whom I am very, very close … or anyone needing to have my name on some sort of legal document. I have friends named “Liz” but I, personally, don’t care to be referred to by said name. “Bethany” takes my displeasure to an entirely different realm. I don’t mind the name … for others. Again, I have several friends with that name; however, I absolutely detest being called “Bethany”. No, that isn’t a strong enough word. Is there a word stronger? Where is my thesaurus? Abhor? Loathe? Despise? Execrate? I think you get the idea. Don’t call me “Bethany”. Just don’t do it. For that matter – “Beth Anne” is out as well. “Anne” is my middle name. I like it, but I hate it when tagged together with the first name. My maternal grandfather called me “Beth Anne” and he was the only person allowed to do so. Sadly, he has passed away. “Beth Anne” should have died with him.

(Yes, I am fully aware that by posting this publicly I am opening the door to millions of you beginning to refer to me as “Bethany” or “Beth Anne” just to raise my hackles. Go ahead. If you don’t do it someone else will.)

I’m sure you are wondering what monikers are allowed? Honestly, you can nickname me pretty much anything. As long as I like you I’ll roll with it. All is well. Here are a few examples of names I have answered to or endured over the years.

“Beth” – My given nickname. My father wanted a Biblical sounding “Elizabeth”. My mother wanted a “Beth”. They compromised … or so I’ve been told.

“Elizabeth” – I may or may not fuss depending on my mood. But, I will answer to it.

“Turner” – My maiden name. Ninety percent of people who attended school with me still call me by this name. It’s all good. I was a jock. Being called by ones surname was a right of passage in the high-school sports world. The full-blown version … “Turner Burner” … has not been used in many a year.

“Taggard”– Post-divorce I kept my married name because my kids asked me to do so. Not to mention, there were a few who already used my last name when attempting to get my attention. The naturally abbreviated “Tag” is also popular on occasion as my ex-husband and his many brothers grew up in this area and that was the nickname of choice.

“Beth-e” – That is a long (ē) sound on the end of my name. It is a Kenyan thing … the penchant for tacking a vowel onto the end of all American English words. I love it. You can call me “Beth-e” all day long.

“EAT” – Huh? Those are my initials. This is a fun one when people figure it out and start using it.

“Hey you!” – Yep, I’ll answer to that pretty much 100% of the time. Sad, huh?

“Kenya” – People in Kenya did not call me this. Obviously. For many here in the USA, I am the only individual with whom they can associate said country. The nickname seemed logical. I don’t mind. In fact, it’s an honor.

“Smart Ass” – What?

“Kid” – My dad likes to call me this. I don’t get it. You know what though? I answer.

“Mom” – I highly suggest you don’t use this unless I gave birth to you. This rules out all but two people on this planet.

“Babe/Sweetie/Chick/Darlin’” – I do live in the American South. There are many women who get offended by Southern men using such terms as opposed to a given first name. Me? I don’t care. I get called one of these things on a daily basis. It does no good getting my panties in a twist over something so culturally harmless.

“Fluffy” – Mr. Andrews. Graphic Arts Teacher. 11th grade. Rift Valley Academy. It was a reference to my hair at the time. It stuck.

“Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the most adhesive.” ~Thomas C. Haliburton

“Blondie” – My hair (until I had children and my hormones changed) used to be extremely blonde. Inevitably …

“Trouble” – Yep, that’s me.

“Legs” – This one came around in college. I think the reasoning would be quite obvious so I am not going to explain. It hasn’t been used since.

I’ve also been called “The African Queen” & “The Amazon”. There are reasons for such silliness, but those are stories (perhaps) for another day.

Remember me mentioning that we don’t say anything to this person in authority who seems to irritate all of us? Well, I made my preferences regarding my name coolly known today. I hope he/she paid attention. If not, I may be forced to vocalize a few choice nicknames I have picked out for said individual. Let us hope it doesn’t come to that.

Of interest:
The Oxford Dictionary of Nicknames.

Retrospective


“In this age, which believes that there is a short cut to everything, the greatest lesson to be learned is that the most difficult way is, in the long run, the easiest.” ~Henry Miller, American Author

In looking back over
my post regarding the past year I’ve decided that I really did give 2008 a pretty bad rap. It wasn’t great. That’s the honest truth. But, I did learn a thing or two along the way. It would be quite pitiful, indeed, if I managed to trudge my way through an entire year, good or bad, without any lessons learned. I have always vowed to embrace as much knowledge as I can and to never stop learning. There are far too many individuals walking throughout humanity who already think they know everything without me foolishly throwing myself into that ridiculous category. So, yes, I did learn a few things.

1. My kids are … simply put … awesome. Fine, I knew this already. Yes, I have a bias opinion. I still think I’m lucky. Don’t forget that I was an emotional, ticking, bipolar time-bomb for an enormous portion of 2008. My children lovingly weathered the storm. Awesome. They are awesome.

2. I also learned that, when I know I’m not exactly stable, I am absolutely strong enough to muster up the will-power and sanity to be reasonably level-headed when it comes to my guys. They still come first and that knowledge alone allowed me to protect them from … well, from myself. I may have been emotionally spent and exhausted from working overtime to not completely lose control in their presence but it was worth it. I discovered I could do it.

3. I have phenomenal … hair. Yep, hair! Too bad it spent 90% of 2008 up in a ponytail or a hair clip or … well, just not done right. Oh well.

4. I am intriguing. That exact word was used to describe me by a number of different people last year. Cool! Why? Well …when I graduated from high school the quote I put in the yearbook was: “My job is not to impress people, it’s to intrigue them.” I have stood by that saying for the last sixteen years. I believe the effort has been well worth it.

5. Dunkin’ Donuts Premium Roast Coffee – I know great coffee and this isn’t it. Pull the advertisements from TV already. I shall not be swayed. You want good coffee? Check out:
Guillermo’s Gourmet Grounds. I recommend the ‘Kenya AA’ (duh) or the ‘Malawi’ for the single origin coffees. If you want a wonderfully bold blend go with the ‘Velvet Hammer’ which is just fantastic. Trust me.

6. I absolutely, positively, without a doubt have to get out of town … travel … at least once a year. Going to visit my parents does not count. Traveling on business, though not ideal, is often the only avenue I have … so that is acceptable. Last year I was in Shreveport, LA on business and I ended up in the hotel bar one night with a bunch of celebrity-type individuals (names withheld on purpose) yelling at a football game. It was quite enjoyable even though my days were spent trapped in a convention center. Oh, it’s no secret I have serious wanderlust issues. The funds, however, are lacking so if I have to fill that need, briefly, on the company dime then so be it.

7. ‘The New Kids On The Block’ are actually capable of releasing a single that I … GASP … actually LIKE! Did I just say that? I did. I’m so embarrassed. But, I adored “Summertime” and it shocked me. This Bon Jovi, Skid Row, Guns n’ Roses, AC/DC, Poison loving, black wearing chic absolutely abhorred ‘NKOTB’ back in high school when everyone else my age was running around with jean jackets covered in ‘New Kids’ buttons and paraphernalia. I refuse to mellow out. Excuse me while I go activate the ‘80’s Hair Band’ playlist on my iTunes. Whew! I feel better.

8. I actually enjoy washing dishes … and not with a dishwasher. I am still no domestic goddess, but the dishes – yeah, I’ll do those.

9. It has taken and will continue to take an extensive amount of time for me to become the person I want … or hope … to be.

10. Let’s talk about Wal-Mart for a minute. I absolutely detest Wal-Mart. But, in Arka-diddly-do-hoo, where I live, it’s all we’ve got. I have no choice but to be a patron. What have I learned? Wearing the iPod on my head with the tunes cranked up loud enough to block out all extraneous noise generated by rabid Wal-Mart shoppers almost makes the place tolerable … at least long enough for me to get in and get out as quickly as possible.

11.
Riverfest has landed itself on the annual “must do” list.

12. I have relearned that people are not always what they portray themselves to be. Yes, I have lived on this planet for almost thirty-five years. Occasionally, this one needs to be drilled back into my brain. Sad, but necessary.

13. I am a flirt. I thought I had lost the art. I have not. “Flirting is a woman’s trade, one must keep in practice.” ~Becoming Jane, Film (2007)

14. The capability for me to become unbearably lonely … exists. And, when it does, I must monitor my decisions wisely.

15. Personal glory is something that lasts forever. It’s time for me to stop trying to forget.

16. Sometimes I need a hug … need to be held.

17. Habits can be broken. I should have known this one already since I quit smoking a few years ago. Still, this year I managed to annihilate two habits: 1) chewing on ice & 2) chewing gum. Both seem rather harmless by comparison, but I had an enormous amount of dental work done in 2008 and I don’t want to screw that up.

18. I have become spoiled and can no longer live without DVR (digital video recorder) on my cable/satellite TV. I tried. I cancelled my DVR service for six months and almost went absolutely insane being forced to actually watch commercials during live TV. No more! I have it back now. All is well.

19. Professional massages are so worth it.

And, finally (because I didn’t plan for this list to be this long) …

20. “You learn something every day if you pay attention.” ~Ray LeBlond

What did you learn last year?

To All The Men I Loved Before ...



“No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.” ~ Francois Mocuriac

I was … am … continue to be … (whatever) … boy crazy. From the age of five I always remember having a crush on one boy or another. It was an interesting dichotomy in my life considering I was … am … continue to be … (whatever) … a tomboy and most (not all, but most) of my really close friends were guys.

I was … am … continue to be … (whatever) … a boy crazy tomboy.

There were, however, rules. Unwritten rules. Unconscious rules. The most important being: **absolutely no falling for the guy friends**. Easy enough, apparently, as I do not recall ever having a crush on one of my best friends. It was an invisible line that I didn’t dare allow myself to cross. Wait. I lie. That line got tip-toed across on a couple of occasions. I kissed one best friend ONCE (sober) in late high school. I kissed another best friend ONCE (rum influenced) in early college. Both instances conjured up an immediate and painfully awkward Luke & Leia “Ewwww! You’re my brother!” type reaction. Shudder!

Back to the crushes and first loves. Back to all the men I loved before …

There were a lot of them. Some were highly memorable. Others were not. When I was five I remember being completely infatuated with the pastor’s son at our church. He was the first. I don’t remember his name. My parents may know. We used to pick wild blackberries together and there is a photograph of us sharing a hammock floating around somewhere. Good times.

Once the trend began, well, the rest is history. I have been thinking back over some of the boys in my life over the last few weeks. Fondly, not obsessively. I am single at the moment and I am not currently in love … nor do I have a crush on anyone … except, maybe,
Hugh Jackman but that doesn’t count. What I have realized in my reminiscence is that these guys were pretty damn lucky to have had a part in my life. A girl like me is impossible to find. Yep, I said that.

"When you develop an infatuation for someone, you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason." ~The Beach, Film (2000)

So, I dedicate this post to the boys … the men … who have been a part of my life. You were all pretty awesome. A couple of you I probably should have fought for at one time or another (prior to my failed marriage, of course) … but I truly have no regrets. In fact, I am guessing not one of you will read this blathering, but I have a few words for the more memorable of you … grade school (1980) through early college (1994):

G.D. ~ I apologize for chasing you down, tackling you, and kissing you during every single recess in first grade. I hope I did not scar you for life.

J.S. ~ I’m sorry I didn’t like you in third grade when you were madly in love with me. I’m even sorrier that you didn’t like me in fourth grade when I was madly in love with you.

S.L. ~ My sixth grade “boyfriend” simply because we said so. Thanks for always making me laugh.

C.L. ~ The first of the “bad boy” crushes. I still haven’t managed to get that out of my system and I’m almost thirty-five. Great, thanks!

T.M. ~ You made track practice infinitely more enjoyable … for one year … and then you were gone. Boo!

“If young love is just a game then I must have missed the kick-off.” ~Blink 182

D.P. ~ My first summer romance. My first kiss. My first date. My first boyfriend. A girl doesn’t forget these things even when separated by continents.

C.T. ~ There had to be at least one crush on the older brother of one of my friends. You were it and you knew it and you worked it.

S.G. ~ You once rejected an awkward, stringy-haired, gangly, and smitten junior high girl. Four years later that changed. My first true love. There it is. I said it. Thanks for the memories and the continuing friendship.

B.S. ~ The token underclassmen. I told you life would move on after I graduated.

J.D. ~ We should have dated. I haven’t quite figured out why we didn’t. The chemistry was there in abundance. The friendship was there. It was all there. Missed opportunity.

J.H. ~ Passion. You had it and applied it to just about everything in your life. Perhaps it was the Latin influence. It was contagious.

K.M. ~ You pursued. Relentlessly. In retrospect … well, it was interesting.

D.P. ~ The. Perfect. Man. You were the one I never had the guts to actually approach or flirt with or show that I was interested. Why? I know not. Few men intimidated me. You would be the only one.

And, finally …

K.W. ~ I fell hard for you … and then you disappeared … back to Maryland, was it? Thank you for that one most memorable and perfect kiss. We should have figured out sooner that there was something there for both of us.

See? I told you I was boy crazy. Just think - that was a mere random sampling.

So, here I am. Single. The only men in my life are my two awesome boys and they will have to be enough for now. I know that eventually someone else will come into my life. One lesson I have learned over the years is not to rush matters of the heart. Until then, I have my memories … and, of course, there is always Hugh Jackman.

“The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.” ~Juno, Film (2007)

Picking Me Apart



Reflecting. It happens at the end of a year despite my best attempts to block such thoughts. And so … I have been staring at the reflection that 2008 left on my life. Nothing new, really. I habitually peer into my past. Good habit? No. I can admit that. It is an unhealthy addiction. Outwardly most would never know. Inwardly I tend to obsess.

“Memories consume, like opening the wound . . . I’m picking me apart again . . .” ~Linkin Park, Breaking the Habit

Despite the title of the song from which I stole the above lyric … I do not foresee me “breaking the habit” of reminiscence in the near (or even distant) future. It is part of who I am. For the most part I have managed to find a balance in my life … hanging onto those things from my past that truly make me who I am today and letting go of those events which, in all honesty, need to be released. I do not hang onto anger, disappointment or such emotions. That would be asinine.

I have spent the better part of this week immersed in pensiveness. Recent events have allowed me that luxury. I moved over the weekend. Nothing big. I merely went from one apartment to a larger apartment. Same town. Same apartment complex for that matter. During the day I go to work. During the evening I crank up the iTunes and unpack boxes … move furniture … clean … and generally attempt to get my new place in some sort of order. My boys have been with their father this week so I have been ALONE with my organization and my ever unquiet mind focused quite intensely on the past year.

It wasn’t such a hot year. There were some good moments; however, there were also some effing horrible times. I spent the majority of the late spring months and all of the summer months on a medicinally induced roller coaster of emotions in an attempt to get my bipolar disorder under control. I had been on a particular medication for a while and it “wore off” this year. Of course, it took a bit of mania hell to hit before I was fully aware that things were not as they should be. I am always the last to know. I also spent the same months … awake. Very awake. I slept little for over five months. Insomnia is a bitch and it takes its toll. I think I am still recovering. These were the things that dominated the bulk of my year. The rest of the year was spent trapped in the mundane day-in day-out drudgery of what has become my world. So, in short (now that I’ve rambled on endlessly) … I am ready to flush 2008 down the crapper.

It is a new year and, while I will not be making any resolutions, I am ready to truly make this a NEW year! Bring it! Let’s go. It’s likely to be a wild ride. At least, I hope so. You want to come along?

Resolutely Silly




I have had an epiphany. Shocking, I know. But here it is: New Year resolutions are silly. Hence, I will only make silly resolutions. Make sense? I think so.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” ~ J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter Series

I hereby resolve to be infinitely more random … if that is conceivable.

Yep, I think that about covers it. What were you expecting … an entire list? Pfffft. Not from me. Well, okay, so I do publish a lot of lists. This, I confess. Not this time though.

What? What was that? You WANT a list? I don’t know. Stop. Quit it. Begging does not become you. It’s working though … a little. No, a lot. Fine! I concede. You want a list? You get a list!

Drum roll, please!!!!!

In 2009 …

I will not eat yellow snow. Unoriginal and gross, but true.

I will be sassy … sassier … the sassiest. Bold … brazen … and brassy, baby!

I will gladly agree to go with the aliens in order to spare the rest of humanity. You all know they really want me anyway.

I will campaign diligently to have peanut butter declared the perfect food. Forget the jelly. We don’t need no stinkin’ jelly.

I will consume an obscene abundance of beef. This is, after all, the year of the ox.

I will not base jump out of my office window considering the ground is a mere three feet below.

I will invest in a cape and some tights. Perhaps the costume will convince my children that mom is, indeed, a superhero.

I will not strap raw meat to my naked body and run streaking through the K9 training unit.

I will pretend to work hard and they … them … those people … will continue to pretend to pay me.

I will continue to be nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect.

I will continue to drive the bus and maintain a speed above 50 miles per hour in order to prevent a really big boom.

I will not stick a gold star on my forehead every time I succeed in a task ... tempting though that may be.

I will smash, squish, slap and kill, kill … KILL every mosquito that dares come within reaching distance of my body.

I will try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

I will stop watching movies on TV that I already own on DVD.

I will have my cake and eat it too … the baked kind not the metaphorical kind.

I will not laugh and make fun of those individuals who trip up or down the stairs in a darkened movie theater while the film is playing.

I will stop now.

I promise.

May you all have a bloody brilliant year!

“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.” ~Brooks Atkinson

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