I Know Myself


Another year gone by = 100 more tidbits of randomness. Woo! It's a bit of an insane annual post, but I made a pledge to myself and I intend to uphold it. This year. Doing the standard 100 things was just too cliché for me. I had to make it harder. What was I thinking? It is, however, my blog and I can change the rules. This will be the last time I do this. No need for applause.

This year I recruited some help from friends and even my kids to fill in the gaps when my brain became an empty void. I learned a couple things about myself.

I’ve given the first 200 a bit of an update. Years go by. I change… often rapidly. 1-100 live
here and for 101-200 just follow this link.

Here we go...

201. I've decided to go back to university. F-R-I-G-H-T-E-N-I-N-G! Of course, they have to accept me first.

202. The lovely Aly sent me this reminder: "You introduced me to Lost Boys, for which I will be eternally grateful." It's true. I'm not sure in what year this took place... most likely 1991 or 1992; however, The Lost Boys was my whore and I was its hardcore pimp from 1988 to 1994ish... introducing many a friend. I still have mad love for the film and will force you to my house, even today, to watch it if I discover you have been so deprived. David could kick Edward's glittery ass any day.

203. I escape into fiction.

204. I live in a town with 8 (soon to be 9) traffic lights. Watch out, NYC... we're comin' for ya! It could be worse. I'd rather live in a place with no traffic lights than a "town" that has one random flashing yellow caution light.

205. I recently began corresponding with my birth mom.

206. I've had a craving for a new tattoo going on 6 months now. Only one thing will solve this problem. Ink.

207. I use the phrase "Bah! Humbug!" all through the year because the words "Bah!" and "Humbug!" are not exclusive to Christmas. I don’t think Charles Dickens cares either.

208. Lightsaber. I need one.

209. Phaser. I need one of those too.

210. "Sump'n" is not a word. Use of said abomination should disqualify someone from being my superior in the workplace, but what do we find...

211. “I am not the same having seen the moon rise on the other side of the world.” ~Mary Ann Rademacher

212. I want to get a job designing and making
Fandango puppets.

213. When frustrated, I laugh.

214. When angry, I cry… and possibly yell.

215. There is a bread machine sitting on my small appliance shelf that hasn’t been utilized in at least seven years.

216. I don’t snore.

217. I want to give big smooches to the genius who originally cultivated the seedless grape... even if that person is a woman.

218. I haven’t been reading as much as I have been known to read in the past. This makes me sad and I know I’m the only one who can fix it.

219. Jeremy, high school undersclassman and all around pretty awesome dude, claims: "You are responsible for LETTING THE DOGS OUT!" I have no idea what he means. Then again, he is also insane.

220. On occasion
twitter allows me to channel moments of unbridled brilliance.



221. Don’t take my picture unless you ask first.

222. If you ask to take my photograph the answer will probably be, “NO!”

223. ˙ɹoʇɐnbǝ ǝɥʇ ɟo ɥʇnos sɐʍ ı ɥsıʍ ı

224. I still want to rip Barbie's head off like I did when I was a kid. Is that so wrong?

225. People think I’m smart. I know better.

226. I need a bitchin' superpower. Teleportation could actually solve most of my problems.

227. My biscuits need help, but this Southern girl makes the best cream gravy ever.

228. If you prove in the 1st 5 min of conversation that you have no semblance of a brain in your noggin... I will pretend you don't exist. Unless, of course, you have a valid mental handicap.

229. I’ve decided I want to learn Latin. It’ll probably never happen. C’est la vie. See? Not Latin.

230. Brittany, fellow college troublemaker (You know it, my dear.), wants to know if I "ever came back from 'feeding the dogs'". The answer is, "No, I did not." Story: "I have new puppies. Do you want to come with me to feed the dogs?" was a pick up line at a college party from one of the hottest guys I had ever seen. I went and I will NEVER live down that line. Rightfully so.

231. I can get along with just about anyone if I put my mind to it.

232. Sometimes I don’t put my mind to it.

233. Road trip! I want to drive the Mediterranean coastline from Gibraltar to Reggio Calabria, Italy.

234. I miss eating fish and chips from a street vendor in London.

235. I miss eating waffles from a street vendor in Brussels.

236. I miss eating pizza from a street vendor in Rome.

237. I miss eating roasted corn from a street vendor in Nairobi.

238. I haven’t purchased a skirt or a dress in at least five years.

239. Somebody... somewhere... must have a voodoo doll with my head on it. Too bad they can't use that thing to make me skinnier.

240. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Most people don’t like it.

241. I have only been to summer camp on one occasion. I was ten and it was ultimately very enjoyable. The location was Camp Caesar in West Virginia and I kept the t-shirt until I was fourteen.

242. Everyone has a dark side, including me.

243. I hate Mondays.

244. I love lasagna.

245. No, I am not Garfield though I did collect Garfield books and stuffed animals at one time.

246. Apologies and forgiveness can be obtained 25 years later. My friend Tammy told me, "In 7th grade you had a jean jacket that was so important to you that you started a physical fight with a sweet innocent little girl that had no idea how to fight and no idea that the punch was even coming. :)" I didn't remember owning the jean jacket... let alone the punch... though I'm not surprised. Ahem, tomboy. I have no recollection of punishment either, but surely that behavior earned me a plate of demerit and two sides of detention.

247. Between 7th-12th grades, at boarding school, I spent a fair chunk of time in Saturday detention. It was nothing like
The Breakfast Club. I'm still mildly disappointed by that fact. Not detention, mind you... detention not being like the movie.

248. I'm a Browncoat... though not in a costumish convention sort of way. And, if you don't know what a Browncoat is then this means nothing to you.

249. Frito-Lay laces Cheetos with crack. I have no proof, but it's true.

250. I want to live in a land of myth and legend. Really. Robin Hood & King Arthur are far more interesting than... what? What do we have? Oh, I know! Paul Bunyan and his great blue ox. Point made. If I were Native American this would be different. But, I'm not. Meh.

251. I've never been on a Greyhound bus.

252. I have no intention of ever getting on a Greyhound bus.

253. I have, however, ridden in vehicles much like
this and even this. Don't judge. Mom, if you're reading this: Breathe!

254. I'm not a blog statistics whore. I check them occasionally and mostly wonder about the sanity of those who choose to browse through all of my entries... all the way back to the beginning. It isn't possible for you to come out of that experience with a rational mind.

255. A new online friend and brave reader of this blog (D.G.) has taken note that "Movies based on Nicholas Sparks books are best avoided." It's true. I have never, and will never, read a Nicholas Sparks book. I know many a woman who believes
The Notebook to be pinnacle of romance. It makes me want to vomit. And, yet, I will confess (::deep breath::help me::) that Message In A Bottle actually gets to me... for a number of very personal reasons. Damn him.

256. Migraines. I get them. Rephrase: I get tension headaches which, when ignored, become migraines.... but, not often enough to warrant the primary care physician prescribing super strong anti-migraine druggery. Not fair.

257. My Facebook friend list deserves a righteous purge.

258. I give root beer a good try about every six months and immediately think, "Mmmmm. I love root beer." Then I forget until the next time.

259. Sharpie pens are super awesome writing utensils of perfection.

260. Big K, the teenager, would like you to know that I have a strange hatred for Marshmallow Peeps®. I don't think it's strange. Peeps are evil.

261. Made-for-TV movies on the SyFy channel? I. Love. Them.

262. I don't think your car appreciates being "dressed up"
like a reindeer any more than your dog really wants to wear a sweater.

263.
Desi, former sister-in-law of awesomeness, thinks knowing "the difference between sabstian bach and that other guy....bon bon jovi" is an accomplishment for me. It's an ongoing thing. Then again, I know how to spell "Sebastian Bach"... but it's Amber, other former sister-in-law of awesomeness, who beat me to the punch on the back half of Desi's statement: "Ah yes, bon bon jovi. Is he a delicious chocolaty snack? A fabulous-haired rocker? Hey, can't it be both?!" Man, I love those ladies.

264. Amber also wondered approximately how many miles I've driven this year in going to concerts. Answer: 1400. I don't think that's excessive and I'm too lazy to add up the lifetime total. Most notable (round trip) are 570 miles for Muse (2010) and 1,230 miles for Bon Jovi (2002). My concert list is located in list
1-100.

265. I found my Clark Kent last year. More accurately, he walked into my office to install a new phone system. And... I let him walk right back out agan. Finally! A man full of hot manly geekery and I let my insecurities win. Boo.

266. My number has never come up for jury duty. Hurry! Where is some wood? I need to knock on it.

267. Part of me actually believes I just jinxed myself with #266.

268. Sometimes I say words out loud that I thought I was saying only inside my brain.

269. At work I prefer to be continually challenged.

270. I just named my new-to-me burgundy car “Red 5”… as in “This is Red 5. I’m going in!” Yeah – I’m going to make you Google it if you don't already know the line.

271. I can’t play poker.

272. There are a lot of conversations I probably shouldn’t be listening to that take place within earshot of my desk at work. I know things.

273. I’ve had to learn to get up and leave during some conversations because a) some things I really don’t want to know and b) my mouth will win and my unsolicited opinion will get interjected.

274. I believe new beginnings are possible although I haven’t fully grasped onto mine yet.

275. Marriage is not for me or I am not for it. I’m not sure which.

276. I love my boys but I am not looking forward to the day (far, far, far in the future) that either one of them makes me a grandmother.

277. When that time comes, I will not be known as “grandma” or “grannie” or “meemaw” or anything else overtly ancient sounding.

278. The idea of being super organized at home appeals to me. I can never seem to make it happen.

279. I couldn't possibly have something really, really good happen to me right now... that would anger the universe.

280. I like punctuality and, yet, somehow those who don’t know the meaning of the word are drawn to me as friends. I have to forgive them daily or we wouldn’t be friends anymore.

281. Toilet paper. It has to roll OVER not under. Seriously.

282. "I remember thinking you were the coolest when we were in Graphic Arts together (your senior year, my junior)," says Kendri. Proof positive that appearances can be deceiving. Graphic Arts is code for Yearbook Staff. (
"Have you seen the kids on yearbook? Nerds pick on them." ~Buffy the Vampire Slayer, TV Series) I joke. We actually had a very diverse and interesting group in the class... dubbed "Gossip Club 92". If it happened on campus... we knew.

283. Tonsils. I have them.

284. Appendix. I have it.

285. Wisdom teeth. Yeah, they’ve been gone since junior high.

286. Secretly I think it would be really groovy to be an Old World gypsy.

287. I miss riotous college days too, but I really miss you, Claire.

288. I haven’t ridden on a horse since I was fifteen. There simply hasn’t been any opportunity.

289. I was pretty darn sure that Y2K was not going bring worldwide disaster and chaos with it. I was right.

290. Guess how I feel about 2012. I’m right.

291. British comedy is comedy at its finest.

292. I got really tired of the phrase, “Oh my God! You look just like Sammy from Days of Our Lives!” when I was in college.

293. If I ever lose the weight I want to lose… I’m going to pierce my nose.

294. After two years of French in high school and two years of French in college I still can’t speak French. At all.

295. Almost every song that had serious radio play from 1988 to 1994 has a very specific memory attached to it in my mind. Usually I’ve forgotten about that memory until I randomly hear the song to which it is tied. I should probably start journaling them.

296. I need, want and deserve an actual vacation more than anyone else I know.

297. It is too bad I cannot win a Pulitzer for writing lists.

298. Obviously I’m stretching to get a full list of 100.

299. I quite dislike how many of these points start with “I”.

300. If you have read this far then I congratulate you on your trip deep into the rabbit hole. For full immersion, feel free to scroll back to the top and follow the links for 1-200.

“I know myself, but that is all.” ~F. Scott Fitzgerald



Photo credit:
trinaaj via Flickr.

4 comments:

  1. OMG, Darlin...
    Those were awesome!!!
    So many to comment on... seriously. I feel like I know you on a whole new level now.

    I could not love you more!!!
    xoxo

    ps. A land of myth and legend would be sooooo cool. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. 301 - everytime a particular Masshole-turned-Alaksan-turned-Masshole reads your blog he respects, admires, and loves your heart and mind you just a little more.

    You amaze me, kid.

    ReplyDelete
  3. #206: I hope it's "I am, I am, I am"
    #215: Ditto.
    #217: I'm guessing your mind wanders often. =)
    #218: My problem, I'm halfway thru 12 books.
    #225: You are smart but you get points for the humility.
    #229: You should learn Latin. You could say things like: "Barba non facit philosophum"
    #235: You'll always have Waffle House.
    #238: I haven't either.
    #239: That could rock, unless it turned into SK's "Thinner"
    #243/44: Me too.
    #260: Peeps are only evil in the sense that they are insanely good.
    #262: Who the hell dresses up their cars??? Oh man, you have GOT to get outta that town!
    #266: You would make a most interesting juror.
    #281: If Gerry liked the TP roll UNDER, would that be a deal breaker?
    #294: Ditto - I would need them to speak tres slowly....

    If you change your mind and make another one of these lists, be sure to throw some Fritos and Peeps down the rabbit hole!

    Lis

    ReplyDelete
  4. Agree with you on Nicholas Sparks, yech. Christina and I went and saw Message in a Bottle, not knowing was Nicholas Sparks was, after Miz died. Such a terrible error, we did end up laughing.

    ReplyDelete

"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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