All Hail the Mighty John


JOHN
Gender: Masculine

Usage: English, Biblical
Pronounced: JAHN (English)
“English form of Iohannes, the Latin form of the Greek name Ιωαννης (Ioannes), itself derived from the Hebrew name יוֹחָנָן
[Yeah... that didn't copy/paste right. Back off, Jon. I know you'll say something.] (Yochanan) meaning ‘YAHWEH is gracious’.”

Dear John,

I have been talking about you a lot. The problem is… my close friends can never seem to determine WHICH ONE of you I am talking about during any given conversation. That’s right. I have a bit of a John problem. No, I do not have a chronic bowel condition which forces repeated visits to the john (aka: toilet). I am merely acquainted with an unusually large number of you John... Jonathan (aka: Jon)... monikered individuals and, as is ridiculously common in my life, not a one of you lives near me.

I can’t even categorize you people by location anymore because there is more than one of you in several different states or regions. Ahem, J.V., you just HAD to move didn’t you?

Method of introduction doesn’t work either seeing as I went to high school with four (?? – I’m losing count.) of you and met three (?? – Again, not a clue.) of you online. That’s seven… seriously… seven (I think.) of you with whom I have regular enough interaction to mention your name in casual conversation from time to time. It can be a bit of a boggle.

Considering I habitually nickname everyone I meet and my children have close to ten nicknames a piece, I am quite astonished I haven’t done this previously…

You are all getting nicknames.

No, I will not tell you your nickname. They will be used as my own personal reference material only. I’m tempted, however, to name one of you “Toilet” and the others “Crapper”, “Outhouse”, “Latrine”, “Commode”, “Potty” and “Can”. Ah yes… my own personal passel of porcelain gods.

“Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the most adhesive.” ~Thomas C. Haliburton

Most Unsincerely,

Photo credit:
beatnikside on flickr.

4 comments:

  1. Dearest Beth,

    If you do not reveal to me my nickname, I shall henceforth refer to you as Betty.

    Yours,

    John

    AKA

    "The Mover"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sounds like a pre-Dori issue I had with dating girls named Jennifer/Jenny - it got quite confusing at times...

    ReplyDelete
  3. @J. Choo ~ I'll let you call me Betty if you download "Black Betty" as my ringtone on your phone.

    @Sean ~ I had that problem with guys named Scott prior to my doomed marriage. There were 5 of them I think. ;) Notice that you didn't marry a Jennifer/Jenny though... woooo for Dori!

    ReplyDelete
  4. yes but don't think that Dori won't pull out the Jenny jokes now & then.... she has a long memory!

    ReplyDelete

"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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