Giving Thanks, Part Two

Obviously I stole this image from

“Health is a relationship between you and your body.” ~Terri Guillemets

I’ve been to see the doctor a lot this year. Being bipolar, regular visits are expected (and this town is small enough that he will hunt me down in Wal*Mart if I miss an appointment), but 2010 required a little more than regular monitoring.

I paid Mr. Doctor Man a visit late in the winter, before spring, to have him check everything… thyroid check, diabetes check, etc. I wanted an excuse. I wanted to have a reason for my inability to lose this wretched weight. I wanted a way out. And, wouldn’t you know it, all those tests came back negative. I was irate. Literally. How logical is that? My thyroid functions fine. I don’t have diabetes. My blood pressure is great. Hell, my cholesterol levels are even a-okay. These are things I should have been happy about but I’ve discovered there is a vast difference between being analytical and being logical when one’s emotions are running amok. I had to swallow a very difficult non-prescribed pill… one I had been carrying around with me for years: My weight is my fault. Damn. I shut down. I’m still sort of shut down. And, I’m still overweight too. Woo.

During that same appointment we discussed this problem I have with sleep. In particular we talked about my body’s aversion to sleep. I’ve been a chronic, and I do mean effing chronic, insomniac for more than three years. Bipolar medications are supposed to shut up my brain. They don’t seem to do the trick; but, as long as my moods were stabilized, I accepted the bad with the good and lived with serious sleep deprivation f-o-r-e-v-e-r. We talked about my sleep habits but we didn’t make any major changes. In the summer I went back for another visit with Mr. Doctor Man and he knew in a glance that I was not okay. We adjusted a little bit of this and he gave me a little bit of that and we made some radical decisions regarding my treatment but I am sleeping now. Lordie, how I love to sleep. My dream time is amazing and, now, when the occasional night rolls around where I don’t get that rest… man, I’m mean.

It is now November. I’m still sleeping (most of the time). I finally… FINALLY… feel like my body is beginning to heal. Surprise, surprise… Mr. Doctor Man told me it would probably take months before I began to feel better because of how much trauma my body had undergone during the years of sleep deprivation. He was right. I should be more grateful for what I do have. Despite still being overweight… my blood pressure is STILL great. I’m STILL not diabetic. My thyroid is STILL working great and my cholesterol is STILL normal. And, I’m finally over the anger.

I am thankful for my health... well, weight aside, my basic physical health. Very thankful. [Let’s hope I didn’t just jinx myself.]


  1. I'm glad you have overcome the insomnia. It's a good step to have taken.

  2. I'm really glad to hear that you're finally getting some regular sleep Beth and am glad to hear you're on the mend!

    And long live least until another four-wheeled blessing comes 'round your way.

    Lis =)

  3. This is very good news, and I wouldn't be surprised if given a little more sleep, your started to have an easier time losing weight, since recent studies have shown a lack of sleep is definitely connected to weight. But if you want a weight loss buddy, I'm your gal, I'll have at least 30 lbs to get off once I've birthed this child. Ugh.


"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman


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