F*ck "If"

Photo © P. Dermine

December 5 – Let Go
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author:
Alice Bradley) [The #reverb10 project.]

I fell in love once. Twenty years ago.

Uh…
Right. Yes, I was sixteen.

Everyone thinks they found love in high school.
Sure. I thought I was in love…

… at fifteen. Nope.
… and seventeen. No.
… again at nineteen. HA!
… and yet again at twenty. Clearly not.

No, this was different. My love was intense, forgiving, whole, unconditional and volatile.

Time. Two busy decades.

Dating. Delusions. Divorces. Distance. Disport. Deliveries. Delights. Death. Drama. Demons. Dogma. Drudgery. Diets. Doctrine. Diffinity. Deception. Dreams. And always…

Doubt.

Damn “If”.

What if…
If only…
If he…
If I…
If we…

Fuck “If”.

I did. And, I am free. Finally.

“Sometimes you turn away from someone and you look back and half your life is gone.” ~The Claim, Film (2000)

7 comments:

  1. Love that! Simple and powerful, thanks!

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  2. You are most welcome. I think we have all had an "If" problem at some point.

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  3. Enjoyed this. "If" one of the conditions we put on happiness. If I can be skinny, I'll be happy. If I can find someone, I'll be happy.

    I'm going to remember this. Thanks for the brain reset.

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  4. Patti ~ I still have some "Ifs" to squelch... like the "If I can be skinny" one you mentioned. But, this one, at least, found a resting place. As for the others... constant brain resets. Every day.

    ReplyDelete
  5. If's are sort of like mushrooms. They just appear, magically, out of the shit we shovel into the dark corners.

    Your blunt, almost brutal style of writing this was quite effective. Very vivid.

    ReplyDelete

"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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