Wasted in Friction

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"I would not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum." ~Frances Willard


December 20 – Beyond Avoidance
What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author:
Jake Nickell) [The #reverb10 project.]



It’s been twelve years since I sat in a university classroom.

After my sophomore year of college I took a break… got pregnant… got married… had Big K. When he was a year old I managed to return to school for two more years but not at full speed due to motherhood and my full time job. During the first month of my last full school semester (I would still have had the odd class here or there to finish.) my ex-husband and I separated for the first time. Staying was not an option. Despite how close I was to finishing… I dropped out and Big K and I moved to Virginia. Several months later reconciliation happened and the then-husband followed us to the East Coast. It was implied that finishing my education would be made a priority. We were together another nine years. He’ll tell you that I was too much of a workaholic to finish school. I’ll tell you that someone had to have a steady job in order to make ends meet. Whatever.

Ball long dead stopped.

Twelve years is a long time and the longer I am out of the school the easier it is to swallow the fact that it may never happen for me.

Tired of having all the experience and not all of the education, I decided to change that this year. I want more out of life. I want to have more to offer my boys. I applied to one of the local universities and was accepted.

Ball rolling.

Then I started to listen to various financial analysts talk about the precarious nature of the current school loan system. The economy was taking a toll. Students were graduating but there weren’t enough jobs. Loans were not being repaid. It spooked me because I was going to have to rely on loans for my tuition. I didn’t enroll.

Of course, I also became a full-time single mom at the end of August. Had I started school, this would have prompted me to drop out. Again. I welcome change but adding classes and full-time single parenting to my regular day-to-day life would have been far too overwhelming. I don’t care how strong people think I am.

Ball stopped.

Now that the boys and I have been through the home adapting that was required when a major change takes place, I’m meeting with a university professor from aforementioned scholastic institution after Christmas. I hope to be enrolled for Fall 2011… or maybe even Summer 2011 classes. Night or weekend classes, of course, because somebody in this family still has to work.

Ball rolling. Again.

What I need is that boulder from ‘Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark’ perpetually threatening to roll right over me.

8 comments:

  1. Wow- I commend you for even THINKING about finishing with all your responsibilities.

    I dropped out after 3 1/2 years to have a child and marry. That was 1993. I haven't gone back since. Only a year away from graduating and I pissed it away. I actually don't think about it much anymore, except in my lowest moments. Although it would be nice to hold that degree, I just don't have the time or, frankly, the energy to start over - 17 years later. I think that's why I overcompensate so much in my career - I feel I need to work all the harder to prove myself worthy. Whatever.

    Anyways, I really do admire you for continuing. You have far more determination than I did/do.

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  2. Shannon ~ I do that!!! The overcompensating thing... yeah, that's me too. Wish me luck. In truth, if that ball comes to a stop one more time then I'm done.

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  3. I wouldn't even look at this as "avoidance", Beth. You just did what you had to do and handled your business. You prioritised and now you're going back to finish what you started. More than commendable I say :)

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  4. You'll do it. You sound like one tough broad. I bet you snap your gum when you chew it.

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  5. Good for you. I commend you for not giving up. If this is what you want/need to do then by all means get it done. Great post as always.

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  6. @Stereo - Perhaps, throughout the years, it wasn't avoidance; however, this year... there was some. The thought of school scares me intensely so "backing out" was easier even though it ended up being the best decision at the time. ;)

    @Patti ~ You know... I do. HA!

    @Jason ~ I have to do this for me. I also abhor leaving things unfinished... most of the time. I don't do crafty things because I never finish that crap.

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  7. :) I've just joined up Reverb and WOW, the level of inspiration and strength I'm reading about - like now - is fantastic!

    To every thing, there is a season. I believe that with my whole heart. Children grow so quickly, even on the longest days of childhood. I was once a single mother of two myself...Oh, for one more day of being able to tuck them into a bed under my own roof again ;-)

    I'm convinced that when it's all said and done, everything works out exactly as it should. Your day is here, and it will come as well.

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  8. Grace! Welcome to Reverb10! I'm glad you are enjoying it. I'll try to jaunt over for a visit today whilst catching up on my own posts. ;)

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"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

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