12: Petrified of the Amazing


These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

[In celebration of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s 208th birthday… we pledge to write... #Trust30.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:

Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?

Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?

Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?

Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.

(Author: Lachlan Cotterl)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Put myself in the shoes of the me who has already lived my dream…
                                  … the me who many never live that dream?

Maybe this is my dream. Clearly it is my purpose. Or, it is now.

I lived so many tortured years feeling angry and guilty that I was forced to live with the consequences of my own not-in-my-right-mind actions. Not normal actions, mind you… I can deal with those. Accepting responsibility has never been my problem. Coming to terms with decisions that I made and actions I took prior to my bipolar diagnosis, however, has been the most difficult personal reconciliation of my adult life. One ridiculously manic summer, the year I turned nineteen, drastically altered the path of my life… for many more minutes than ten and years far beyond ten.

Here’s the kicker: Given a time machine and the chance to change it, would I? Likely not.

This is who I am… although something is missing. I have yet to pinpoint exactly what that something is to me… but I know it is vital. I know that when I find it, I will be unstoppable… and that is my fear. Yes, to an extent, I am petrified of the amazing within me.

Can I be happy with less than who I really am? Yes.
Can I be content? No.

It’s time to start pulling back the layers in search of what I am missing. Hopefully I will know how to control what I find.




4 comments:

  1. Hi Beth, I come to think about a quote from Marianne Williamson "Our deepest fear", which Nelson Mandela used in his inauguration speech when he became President of South Africa. It goes something like this:

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    Even if you're not religious I think there is a profound message in it.
    I just wanted to say that your radiance shines all the way to Sweden :)

    xoxo, Michi

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beth: I want to share something that was told to me a long time ago that I am only beginning to understand; "Recognition is the reward." If we start to recognize, then we can begin to accept. With acceptance we can begin to find peace. Naturally, all of this occurs in the "now," the only time we have.
    Thus I begin to see that recognition (self-awareness) is, indeed the reward.
    You are a treasure!
    Rich

    ReplyDelete
  3. Michi ~ I *love* that quote. The first time I saw it was on the back of a t-shirt standing in line at a Wendy's fast food restaurant. I reached into my purse and pulled out a receipt, the only thing I had to write on, and began to jot it down before the line diminished. ;) I should remember to keep it closer to my own heart.

    Rich: THANK YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You write so eloquently and I am deeply touched by your words and sharing from the heart.
    Thank you for posting this.
    You remind me of when Oprah shares about how we are not afraid of what will happen due to our own personal power - we are afraid of the power, itself, that we have.
    Just beautiful. I look forward to reading more!

    ReplyDelete

"Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?" ~Walt Whitman

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin